Julie G

Adventures of Motherhood Pt. 1

2011-01-27T11:15:00.002-06:00

Yes, this post is way past due, but cut me some slack. I've had my arms full lately. I type this post in haste as I know baby Will is about to wake for yet another feeding.

It all started January 5th at 1:30 in the morning when I woke up with some cramping. I waited another 2 hours before waking James and that is what started the mad dash to get ready for the hospital. Little did we know we had a good 18 more hours before we ever hopped in the car hospital bound. By the time we settled into the L&D room, my contractions were about 3 minutes apart. This was exciting and terrifying all at the same time. Unfortunately I was only 3-4 cm dilated. This meant another 13 hours of labor. I'm not going to lie, the pain was intense, and I quickly opted for some relief. The person who came to administer the epidural was.... well indescribably rude, but she brought the relief and I just had to let her bedside manner go. Our nurse during the night shift was phenomenal. She made me feel very comfortable the whole night and reassured me that all was normal whenever I had a worry.
Around 3:30 am I got sick (due to the epidural and lack of food for 12+ hours) which scored me some anti-nausea medicine (aka sleeping potion). I spent the next 5-6 hours drifting in and out of sleep while poor James and visitors tried hard to catch some shut eye in uncomfortable chairs.
At 8:00 am my doctor walks into the room. I briefly wake up for her to say they're going to get things ready to deliver the baby. A few minutes I wake up again, am asked to roll over, and push. Before I knew it a crying reddish purple little boy was plopped onto my chest and at 9:01 William James was born.

He was healthy, as happy as a newborn could be, and quickly deemed perfect by nurses, parents, family and friends. So begins a lifetime of love, challenges, and more.

Welcome 2011... when things will never be the same

2011-01-02T20:51:00.002-06:00

In a day or two or more I'm sure I'll have to post some awesome pictures of the new addition to our family. As of now, I'll be heading back to work tomorrow, however,some activity that was happening in the belly earlier this afternoon was having me believe just a bit differently. James believes that if he keeps me moving then I'll have baby sooner. I still believe that Baby G. will be a day or two late but come Tuesday and no baby... this family is going to start getting quite anxious!!!

But we need more time.... not so much for James and I but more for our families. We'll start with his side first. Late last week James' grandmother fell and broke both her arm and hip. She under went surgery and that tough little lady looked better after that adventure than James did after either one of his back surgeries. So we need her to get just a bit better and out of the hospital before I go in. As for my family, just our typical luck, mom gets sick. Luckily just (what we think is) a simple cold, but we all know this mama bear won't let anyone under the weather hang with her baby cub. I'm so excited to announce our nursery is finished!!! It is perfect and a place that James and I find ourselves just "hangin out" all night in there. Yep, it's just that peaceful.

Can't wait to see what this year's new adventures bring us. Will post pics as soon as I can of Baby G.

Third Trimester

2010-12-04T20:57:00.014-06:00

This has NOT been my lucky trimester. It has been trying both emotionally and physically. So much has happened. Yes, some of it is completely normal, while others are things that don't happen to most people who aren't pregnant.
For the most part, things are normal as of now. The kids (aka - four legged critters) are all grand. Dinah is surely getting extra attention in preparation for the new little attention hog that will be residing with us soon enough. Trace is maintaining weight well and his eye (knock on wood) remains in a "healthy" state. And the cats, well they are spoiled as ever and continue to torment each other.
There have just been a series of events that have occurred in the past two months (only one left to go, to the day!) that have taken it's toll on me. I've spent lots of time at work and that gets tiring. At the beginning of the trimester I had two weddings to attend in two consecutive weekends. The first was out of town and it wasn't until 5 days before when I realized it wasn't in San Antonio, it was in Houston. Big difference. After much "arguing" about overnight arrangements and travel arrangements with not just my husband, but my mom AND then grandma (thanks to my mom). It was super tiring. The entire trip was approximately 26 hours total. That weekend was the first appearance of the pregnancy cankles! (very unfortunate, but it's a part of most pregnancies) The next weekend was another long night that followed a long week and a long day!!! Every day feels long lately. That night was also long and ended badly once we got back home (no explanation needed). Regardless, the next morning was the beginning of my cough (note the day is 10/31), and so begins the 5+ week lingering and very annoying sinus/upper respiratory infection. A week or two later, James decided to fix the never ending plumbing problem from under the house. This was when he really noticed the botched job the foundation company did with our 5 digit foundation job. So poorly done that it had us calling the company demanding repairs (free of charge). They agreed and apologized for the crap job and admitted that the crew that did it no longer works for the company. Also, their warranty crew is booked through January... Ummmm... that doesn't work for us because we have a baby due at the beginning of January and the mom-to-be insists on having the nursery (which is now at a stand still for the most part) complete before that due date. So they will be sending their "high-dollar job" crew (making it sound like our house really isn't up to their standards) and they will be out.... mid December. I could hear the hesitation in James' voice when he told me this. He knew I'd be beyond upset and immediately the tears started to flow. at work. again. Dang hormones. So now to make me feel more at ease about having a room for baby when baby pops out, we've hired someone to come finish the room while the foundation crew is here and if all goes well (ha! what a big IF) then it'll be complete before baby. Meaning I get to get all the odds and ends together in my final week of the pregnancy. Oh joy.
As all this is going on, I still battle my cough and then WHAM! As if there wasn't anything else to have going on, I'm involved in a hit and run. Most people think that someone ran into me while I was running an errand and in a store... nope, I was at a stop light on my way home and WHAM. Stupid driver in the old white sedan... I had motioned to pull over to the nearest parking lot (because heck if I'm getting out in the middle of the street) and as I moved to the right to turn into the parking lot.... Stupid Driver turned left (not from the turn lane) and took off. Leaving me with a damaged bumper and deductible to pay with insurance. Luckily, it wasn't hard enough hit for me or the baby to be injured! Just inconvient timing.
Then enter ear infection. Talk about miserable. So I still have my cough which keeps me from sleeping and now I can't hear. Lovely. I go to my doctor's office and forced to see someone new. Never again. My temp had to be taken three times by the nurse who couldn't remember the initial temp or even that she had taken it. The "doctor" tried to call me wrong when I corrected him and said we had never met. He proved that I was right. Then prescribed me 5 different meds for the ear infection and cough, and preceded to tell me how some weren't 100% pregnancy safe. Umm excuse me, what? After checking with my Ob/Gyn, I only took the antibiotics. Ears pop back to normal after 3 more days and cough continues.
The cough ended up growing until just recently where my body had the last straw with it. Last Monday there was a growing pain in my side until after I had a brief session with one of my kiddos, then BAM the wind was knocked out of me by the searing pain shooting down my left side. I had no way to relieve it. I sat through a programming meeting in absolute misery and then eventually got enough strength to go home. It took me approximately 10 minutes and lots of uncontrollable tears just to get into my car. Another 10-15 minutes went by before I finally called a co-worker still in the building asking her to drive me home. Thank God for that girl. I tolerated the drive home and kept the small talk up. I was miserable. James helped me out of the car and got me inside and then called the Doctor. At 36 weeks pregnant, no one takes anything lightly. After another hour of uncontrollable sobbing and screaming in tremendous pain, we went to the hospital. It took about another 10 minutes just for me to get into the car and took less time to get to the hospital. I can only imagine what Labor will be like in another few weeks, but at least I'll know contractions will give me a break. This pain I was currently in was nonstop and intense. The doctor on call was the one I had seen before when my regular doc was out of office. I wasn't impressed with him before, but it was who I had available. I knew the baby was fine (motherly instinct and all), but I wanted relief. Poking and proding led to blood samples drawn and fluids started quickly, but not without me being overwhelmed and almost passing out two or three times. That never happens. A few hours later James and I left the hospital with fluids in me, an Ambian in me, and no other relief. Miserable and a few Ambian halucinations I was passed out for a whopping 4 hours. All I had done (simply put) is bruise some ribs. The doctor didn't sound too convincing that I'd recover before the baby was due and that I just needed some rest time which led to ordered bed rest for the remainder of the week.
Unfortunately, I had 5 kid meetings and a handful of parent meetings scheduled and am unable to attend ANY of them. This kills me, but I'm subsiding to the fact that there would be no other way to feel even remotely better unless I stay home....

7 weeks and counting....

2010-11-07T18:04:00.003-06:00

So much going on and there is never quite enough time to do everything. We're now 7 weeks from meeting Baby G and we've yet to get anything ready to any substantial degree. Quite the OMG moment don't you think?

We've recently had to purchase a new computer on the account that someone tried to "fix" mine and well.... it's a goner for now. I really hope that we can at least recover the files off of it. It holds all the pictures that I've taken of Dinah, Trace, vacations, and baby belly pics!!! The computer is minute compared to everything else going on...

James was given the opportunity to interview with a new company and then quickly offered a position. Crazy timing with a baby on the way, but it was too good to pass up and, not to mention, he was getting bored. The new company is opening the door to so many more opportunities so it really is quite exciting for him. Plus, from what what I've heard from him it's a very family friendly and open to having fun work environment. (Always good to hear when there is a new addition to the family on the way!) Luckily for us his old job and now current job involved a conflict of interest thus when he put in his two week's notice they let him go that day. Giving him two weeks off with pay to work on the nursery!!! He made lots of progress and although there is tons left to do, it at least appears doable in the next 7 weeks. Last week was the first week of his new job and so far so good. He seems to like the people, the work load, the amenities, etc. I'm happy for him.

I've been plugging away at my job and trying to nest as best I can without actually have any baby supplies to organize. I'm getting HUGE and beginning to feel that way more and more each day. Everyone keeps telling me that it's all in the belly, but it makes no difference. I can totally live without the comments of "looks like she's carrying twins" or "wow, um, you've grown!" Yeah, you'd get a bit bitchy too if you were carrying all the extra weight. The worst was at the doctor's office two visits ago when the nurse said, "wow, ___ pounds since your last visit. Have you been eating more? Swollen? And looks like your blood pressure is up too." Let me tell you... your blood pressure would be up too if you had to be 35 miles away in 45 minutes and your weight would be up too if you drank like 3 bottles of water and just had lunch right before the visit. By the time the doctor came around to see me, I was so worked up and quickly broke into tears. Between the stresses of work, the me already being late to a meeting in Grapevine, the nurse's comments, the house, the being surrounded by viruses galore at work, and never sleeping.... yeah, I had a meltdown. The doctor wouldn't let me leave the office until my blood pressure came down (three attempts later) and until after I had stopped crying. This past visit had gone much better blood pressure down, wieght is stable and still having sleepless nights. Turns out that every crazy thing I'm going through is normal, and although the weight gain is not within the recommended level suggested by all the books, I'm still on track to having a happy healthy little boy. Excitingly enough I get to have another sneak peek of Baby next visit just to make sure size, weight, and that his head is down. The position is important seeing has he will be preparing to make his decent and entrance into this crazy world. I can't wait.
Along with all these great and new things occurring,I'm still able to keep some semblance of normality and maintaining my time with Trace. He is actually doing quite well. With some plumbing problems with involving the automatic waterers, I've had to bring all the horses together into the big field. If you remember last year when this would happen, Trace would be bullied by the other gelding to the point of injury. (not cool) This time has been quite different. It was cold and rainy when they all were put together and no problems. It's been 5 days together and the only bump or scrape on Trace is from a tree branch. Self inflicted, I do believe. His wieght continues to increase and we've been playing around on the lunge line to "keep in shape" while I'm losing mine. He had tons of fun jumping over some baby jumps this weekend and just struts around the field in front of all the others acting like they don't know how to do what he just did. He's so silly.

I suppose that's enough rambling on about my life for now. Until another day of posts.... Hopefully, I'll get another chance to write down my thoughts before delivery day!

Things this pregnant woman could live without hearing...

2010-09-06T19:36:00.002-05:00

Over the past 23 weeks I've heard some real humdingers! I just thought I'd share the ones that have stuck in my head:

* You look way bigger than the girl I work with whose 2 weeks behind you.
* You're not growing out, you're growing wide.
* It's showing in your hips.
* You're looking really pregnant today.
* Hi I'm _____, and OH MY GOD YOU'RE PREGNANT!! (no kidding, way to state the obvious)
* You're much bigger than the last time I saw you.
* (again the obvious) You look tired.

All in all, they aren't bad things to say (most of them), but for someone who is very conscientious about her body and weight the last thing I want to hear is how big I look. Thank you to all of you who have yet to mention the growing belly or those who tactfully mention the increasing waist line.

A sweet thing my husband told me one morning while getting ready for work: "You still don't look pregnant from behind" Hearing that made my day!

2010-09-04T19:09:00.003-05:00

So much going on, but haven't had the motivation to write or more so don't have anything specific to write about. So how about some updates on the fam?

Baby: He is growing by leaps and bounds, and so is my belly. James has been the only other lucky one to feel the baby movements (other than me). Cool moment number 783 for the pregnancy, lying on the sonographer's table and watching baby do a couple uppercuts at my belly and me feeling them! Cool moment number 784, being and to watch my belly jump up and down with the really strong kicks! Sleeping has been really rough lately and honestly the least favorite thing of the day. I wake up really sore every morning with the limited sleep positions (left side, limited time on the back, limited time on the right side, and for obvious reasons absolutely no tummy sleeping). I've luckily passed the period where migraines constantly occur. I'm right on track weight and baby growth wise and I'm lucky enough to not be dragging my feet All the time.

James: He is busy, busy, busy!!! He has spent the past month's worth of weekends tearing down the old garage and prepping the backyard (rather rearranging EVERYTHING in the yard) to get it ready for the new garage. Once this is done, we can start work on the nursery!!!! Yeah, the garage is a necessity in order to get the nursery ready and No, the nursery will not be in the garage! (I get that question a lot)

Trace: I can tell it's almost Fall by the new coat he is growing. I love this time of year. The mornings have that fresh reminiscent smell that wakes up all those memories of being young and carefree. And it's so tempting to call in sick and spend the morning at the farm. No, I've not done that. His eye is a constant concern, and has had 3-4 flare ups since the initial attack. I ordered 2 fly masks for him so that I can keep his eye as protected as possible. I ordered the masks on Aug 2nd. I still haven't received them. It's taken a bazillion phone calls to fedex, usps, dover, etc. Finally, after 2 trips to Dallas, Denton, Ft. Worth, Springfield MA, and finally back to the company. I'm attempting to get it resent to me. Keep your fingers crossed!!! I think all the companies I've complained to know of my horses condition and know that it's important to get my items!!! Trace luckily hasn't thought he is in full retirement. It's much more difficult to get up on him and ride. Plus I feel bad for putting the added weight on his back. A few weeks ago I tried to just "hop" on bareback but had mega difficulty with the "hopping" part and ended up with a few emergency dismounts. We've been doing a lot of lunging and started working over poles this morning. He's been doing AWESOME at rounding his back and working hard.

Dinah: Same old same old with her. She's been super awesome about not walking across my belly when we cuddle at night. She's also been getting a bit spoiled with getting a few more toys than usual. She has been the inspiration for how to decorate the nursery (puppy dog theme).

Work: Needs it's own blog. I'm working at least an extra day's worth of work packed into 5 days. In most cases, work is great, but there have been a few things popping back up and attacking me way more than necessary. The kids have been absolutely fabulous and progressing like none other. It's the kids that keep me going back to work and make it so worth while!

Me: I've just blogged about everything else in my life and that has been my life for the past couple months. It's not so much about me any more (although the husband would beg to differ in many cases) but about everything else. I'm sitting in limbo unable to prep a nursery b/c it's still packed full of junk and don't have any time to spend with my busy husband. I guess it's just good preparation for the years to come with kids!

Where have I been?

2010-08-07T11:26:00.002-05:00

... and what have I been up to? I left the honeymoon posts in the dust, but honestly there has been a lot on my plate. I'm happy to share the fabulous news that the day after the husband and I returned from the honeymoon, we found out I was pregnant! This was such a glorious time and I've been so lucky to enjoy 99.9% of it all! As of today, I'm 18 weeks and 5 days along...
And for the past 18 weeks and 5 days, there have been so many crazy mixed emotions.

1) Sheer joy and amazement of what is going on within me and all the changes that are happening.

2) Nervousness. who wouldn't be? This is a complete lifestyle change. It's a your-not-top-dog-in-your-house kinda realization, and the little critter in the belly is. In addition to that initial nervousness, I'm nervous about being ready. In all honesty, it will be tough but James WON'T let me down, and no matter what it takes, that nursery will be finished.

3) Selfishness. It's horrible to say, but I can't give up my barn time. I haven't yet. Yes, there have been some changes to what I do and how much I do, but I HAVE TO HAVE THAT TIME!!! It's "me" time. It's keep-me-sane time. But I love the fact that without any arguing and even taking a second to think about it, my (wonderful) husband has agreed to help me keep that time. Don't judge. I will be the absolute best mom I can possibly be. I will be there for my child and any other children that join this family. I'll give up just about anything else but my "me" time. Growing up my mom had limited hobbies. She was all about her family and taking them wherever we needed to be. Her "me" time was washing the car. Nope the car didn't need to have the five pieces of dirt removed from it, but that was her time and no one bothered her during that time.

I'm ready. Well, as ready as I can be almost 1/2 way through this pregnancy. I am ready to add to our family. My goals for the year are being fulfilled. Operation: Weight gain is in full swing. Both for me and Trace and in the healthiest of ways!!

2010-05-20T21:20:00.002-05:00

Oh how I've been a bad blogger, but with good reason. I've been busy, we've been busy. There is never a dull moment in our lives and probably won't be for a very long time. The few times I think we'll get a chance to settle down, something always pops up. Whether it be two mother's days, or a family dinner for some reason or another.... it never turns into just a dinner... It turns into more plans for that night or following nights. It's a phone call to say, "I need some help with..." or "can you...?" We hardly have time to even look at each other and I've been deemed guilty of not put US higher on the priority list. Case in point... it's been three weeks since our vacation and at least three more before the trip since we've been to the grocery store for real food. Yes, we've been for odds and ends. I've been for anniversary dinner supplies. So when will we have time for just us?

It's very apparent that we need time together. It's vital for our relationship and it's vital for our health and our support for each other. What becomes the problem is me... I can't prioritize... I think ahead to what needs to get done, who needs what, how to help others and how I will keep sane in the process. My sanity is important to me. My sanity is my time with those critters that can't speak (english) or talk back to me. Those that only listen and never complain or roll their eye(s). This means my barn time. I. HAVE. TO. The problem with this is the husband gets grouchy and with reason. So I'm in a catch 22. I have to take care of myself in order to take care of others. in order to take care of my relationship. But before the dog and cats have dinner, before the mail is opened I (we) need to take our spouse into our arms and love them. Because it's those moments that count and that you should take to tell them that you love them. No matter how grouchy days get. Because you married them for better or for worse. And no matter how grouchy those days get it is not the end and you can always wake up the next day and mend those moments and start anew.

Honeymoon: Monday

2010-04-27T19:49:00.005-05:00

Whew, it's time to play catch up on a few days before they leave my memory...

So we left off with some shopping, heavy fried foods, and game night. We woke up the next morning, packed up our stuff, grabbed a bite, and headed to the visitors center. Funny that after being in the city we head to the visitor center when we are heading out of town. After walking down Bath House Row a couple times, James and I were really wanting to see what a bath house looked like on the inside. We had discovered the day before that the center was set up just like one! We had tried to visit the day before but after getting cut off from a parking spot by the guy with the ferret, finally parking and walking down the street, the doors were closed. Here are a few pics from that visit. Personally after seeing the bathtubs, floors, and showers I wouldn't be found without my street clothes and shoes at a bath house... regardless, it was still cool!

Heading out of town we ran into a bit of traffic.

This lasted a total of 10 minutes. It was honestly the most cars we saw at one time the whole trip until the drive home.

And before we headed to the cabin, we made a side trip to Cosmic Caverns. Before the cave tour James and I were standing outside surrounded by beautiful mountains. When I assigned him the duty of taking a picture of something pretty this is what he did....

The caves were cool and cool. It followed along a fault line, which I found really interesting.

Once we finished with the caves, it was off to the cabin. I was super excited about this part of the trip. Here is a tour of our cabin

So much fun...
Dinner was discovered at a BBQ joint that was good, but not Texas good! We drove around town a bit and found where we can go hiking. Then we went home to call it a night!

Honeymoon: Sunday

2010-04-24T22:16:00.004-05:00

After a great night's sleep we woke up to check out the free breakfast which was quite large and had enough to satisfy us for two days...

Following breakfast was the couple's massage. It was fun and fabulous for me... one-hour swedish massage that would work on those baseball knots located under my shoulder blades and the speed bumps across my neck and tops of shoulders. My masseuse pushed, rubbed, pinched, stretched, pulled and relaxed me....
James on the other hand, had the masseuse who chose to rub. That's it. Poor guy...

The rest of the day was spent exploring the Garvin Woodland Gardens. It was a gorgeous place and a playground for professional and novice photographers alike (us being the later). Enjoy the photos...

The gardens were full of waterfalls, ponds, springs, and trees... they featured small gardens as well as large wildlife preservation... it was beautiful!

Tired and hungry we headed over to a previously recommended pizza cellar for lunch/dinner. There we found that everything sounded good, including an appetizer of various fried foods (10 different fried foods to be exact). We then split a small pizza and couldn't even finish that much! James and I both agreed to make that meal one of the last few fried indulgences in life ever again!

The remainder of the day was spent strolling through shoppes and playing cards and other games in the hotel room... Loved this day too! Tomorrow we move on to destination number 2, Eureka Springs!

Honeymoon: Saturday

2010-04-23T22:06:00.008-05:00

Whew... we reluctantly made it back to Texas and definitely have plenty of stories to share about our adventures on our honeymoon. I'm hoping to give a day-by-day pictorial recap in 7 parts....

Saturday

We headed to Arkansas after enjoying a quick but fabulous breakfast, James had sausage rolls while I had chocolate croissant from a local bakery. No problems getting to "the Natural State." With our entertainment system in the car I was well entertained as the time quickly passed by... James was sweet enough to cut a rose from our bushes in the backyard and we took it along for the ride!

We arrived at the hotel early afternoon and quickly noticed the two different events going on throughout the weekend (1) a corvette convention and (2)a dance competition. We had a very nice room. Two bedroom corner suite with a view of the parking lot.

We actually spent a lot of time looking out the window just to marvel at the change in the terrain. Mountains.

Within minutes of being in the room we had a knock at the door... and were very surprised to be greeted with this...

Since we couldn't stand to stay in all night we headed out to check out the town.

First thing we hit up was the mountain tower. Over 10(?) stories high atop a mountain it looked out over Hot Springs (oh yeah, that's where we were).

Then off to dinner... you'll find that James and I really enjoyed our meals. Not one chain restaurant was visited. Dinner for the first night was going to be tough to beat. We both had steak. James rib-eye and I a tiny fillet. My favorite part was a twice baked potato casserole... yum! The restaurant was located on a lake and we had some very interesting sights as more and more local prom-goers entered the dining room.
After dinner we headed over to Pirate's Cove, the local mini-golf course. This was an awesome course... much better than any putt-putt I've been to.

This hole was actually pretty cool... if your ball ended up in the water (which mine did) it shoots out at the bottom part of the hole!

James kicked my butt! The night ended with a stroll from the hotel down to bath house row and back down again. We poked out heads into the shops that were still open and found a very fun pet retail shoppe!

The rain held off for this day... it sprinkled a bit after dinner and into golfing, but nothing stopped us from having fun. Stay tuned for a recap of Sunday's adventures... I'll probably let it be a less wordy post and let the pictures speak for themselves... until tomorrow...

Letting the belt out another hole...

2010-04-11T16:31:00.006-05:00

Finally after 13 months I can honestly say, "the belly is growing a bit!" Nope, not mine, but Trace's. We have gone from this...

To this...

He and I have both worked super hard to get him back to where I feel more comfortable. Just a bit more weight and I'll feel much better reducing the amount of feed he is on. Currently we're at 10 pounds of feed (plus supplements and a cup of corn/rice bran oil) a day plus some alfalfa and timothy topped off with whatever he finds in the field.

le sigh.

2010-03-22T20:45:00.004-05:00

"...sometimes (just sometimes) you have to think before you speak and hold in your initial thoughts/opinions... because sometimes (just sometimes) it avoids an argument, it spares another's feelings, and in the long run.... it'll make you feel better (and quite possibly someone else too)."

The above statement is what was the status that was on FB next to my name as I typed this post.

Things aren't horrible, they aren't devastating, they aren't anything...

I wouldn't even consider it frustrating. So what the hell, life?

It's a bunch of little things all piling up at once (as they always have to do). Has it really been all at once? Or has it been masked by abnormally large attempt at being as optimistic as I can be (and not be completely lame)for the first 3 months of the year?

Lately it has been a few let downs at home and at work, along with annoying and obnoxious surroundings at work. Seeing as I'm not willing to discuss the more personal let downs, let's talk about work.

I have been sitting in my new position for about 4 months now. I'm trying really hard to succeed at it, but I feel like I'm still struggling to be like the predecessor and then again be my own person and succeed at what I feel is the true profession (with my own few twists). I love the clients. I love the client's parents. The staff is fantastic for the most part. Sure, I miss my previous position and I really miss the kiddos, but this new position has kept me in a better place (mentally). I'm learning to keep more stable and consistent hours. (although I'm still gone for 13-14 hours a day b/c of my v. consistent 2 trips to the farm a day). I'm even leaving work at work... knowing that I'll be in the same building tomorrow and won't have a 100 mile trek the next day. The first three months of the job were a bit of a transition. Not just for me but also for my "friend" that also took a new position as my new supervisor (yep, the old supervisor who gave me such grief is my new supervisor). She took her job in full stride learn this and that, but also throwing in her two (10, 20, 100)cents in at every chance possible. "eh hmmmm... programming is my domain, I have the bosses word on that.... you, you just make sure the cleaning crew comes on time" It wasn't until she told me in passing one day, "I really need to just send all the programming needs your way" that I felt a bit better. She doesn't tell me what to do... I'm always one or even two steps ahead. I'm the one asking her if this and that got done. Unlike the last situation.... she is too busy managing others to micro-manage me.

A month ago... I was talking to "head honcho" and she said, "since we are interviewing for more BCBAs if you want your old job back... let us know now" Thankfully this was a phone conversation so she (whom I totally respect and admire when it comes to behavior analysis) didn't see my horrified face of "really? am I doing that poorly? Or are you needing me there too? Or are you really considering how crushed I was giving up my kiddos?" Regardless, it took me this long to feel somewhat comfortable with my case load and I'm still tweaking and pulling and replacing... I don't need to try and remember and catch up on my old case load.
Needless to say, I'm sticking with this job (at least for now).

This past week we have been updating the rundown building we call a center, and in my opinion... it's a sad, pitifully done job. We spent loads of $$ (honestly not sure on actual cost)to paint and upgrade. Now, I'm no expert on walls, but I do know after having all our walls (poorly)re-textured and painted that the "professional" job at the center is worthless. In all my question asking, "Are the walls going to be two-tone?" "Are the walls going to be patched? be smoothed? look like walls?" Yes, yes, and yes to all.

I'm so much more agitated with these answers being wrong. Well, the walls are two-toned. It's the colors that "erk" me. The crooked trim, the drip lines, the uneven paint job, the missed spots that "erk" me.

Which color is the worst offender?

Yellow, pure bright lemon yellow is the most fatiguing color. Why? The answer comes from the physics of light and optics. More light is reflected by bright colors, resulting in excessive stimulation of the eyes. Therefore, yellow is an eye irritant. Babies cry more in yellow rooms, husbands and wives fight more in yellow kitchens, and opera singers throw more tantrums in yellow dressing rooms. Be careful how you use it. In practical application, do not paint the walls of a critical task environment yellow. Also, do not use yellow legal pads (but it will give you a jolt and temporarily wake your brain up), and do not use yellow as a background on your computer monitor.

On the other hand, since yellow is the most visible color of all the colors, it is the first color that the human eye notices. Use it to get attention, such as a yellow sign with black text, or as an accent. Have you noticed yellow fire engines in some cities?

Finally, yellow is a wonderful color, the most cheerful of the spectrum. And yellow is a symbol of the deity in many global religions.

Some tips for practical application:

Notice the difference between a yellow of the purest intensity and a softer tint. Also the size of the area that any color occupies determines the color effect. For best results, use softer tints of the hue or small quantities. A little bit of color goes a long ways.

Yellow is taking up all common areas on the building including my office! Honestly, I'd much rather prefer the pepto-bismol pink over the yellow. So ahead I will be faced with lots of things and surrounded by one of my least favorite colors of all time. And there is nothing I can do about it except cover up as much yellow as possible with pictures, bulletin boards, and computer equip.

Now let's talk office set up...
I have looked at junk in that building for a long time. A lot of junk has been tossed... and a lot of junk has been tossed onto my desk. Why? Because my desk usually has a lot of free space on it (b/c it's clean). I spent a good 2.5 hours after everyone else had left one night rearranging (full) filing cabinets and books. I spent all that time cleaning, dusting, making things symmetrical (b/c that's my OCD kicking in). By the time I left, I could "tolerate" the rest of the 3 foot high mess on the other side of my desk. (Not mine, and not my problem). I walked in from a 2 hour training the next morning to my supervisor saying, "Now don't kill me" and turning the corner of my desk to find a pile of junk BACK on my desk, and an extra filing cabinet in the room and asymmetry. I was supposed to walk in from the training, plug in my hours, and go home for the week, but I couldn't.... I couldn't walk in on Monday to this disaster. So another three hours later (b/c it was worse than before, I had co-workers asking questions, and I stopped to talk with my friend (who I never see anymore). That was it for me and spring break. I walked out of there not giving a hoot about other's messes or that they needed a lot of help with their projects. I did what I knew would be better... I kept my mouth shut as much as possible and I just kept on going.

Le sigh.

p.s. yes, my husband has pointed out to me that i complain about yellow, yet, my text on my blog is yellow. Yellow, can be used as an accent, as an attention getter, but to be surrounded by it.... makes me anxious.

Frosty Family Fun Day

2010-02-12T20:54:00.007-06:00

Here is a (mostly) pictorial time line of the snow day that started off our 4-day weekend!

Not much sleeping in happened when I got the 8:30 phone call from mom...

"I don't want you driving down here today... yada yada... icy roads... i'm sleeping hours on end..." So we bundle up for some fun in the snow outside....

The house. You can barely see Dinah on the steps with all the blinding snow.

I got bored waiting for James to come outside so I made something(s) for him.... he was not amused.Let's PLAY!!

Dinah would wait for hours for someone to throw the frisbee.
She waited soooo long we both turned into a snowman and snowdog!!

Dinah decided not to share the frisbee anymore.
Dinah had her own battle with snowballs stuck in her hair.
Cleaning/melting the snowy mess. Playing in the snow was totally worth it though.
While I cleaned up Dinah, James made brunch.
After brunch I inspected the damage from all the snow. This is a branch hanging by just a little bit that is right outside the back door... if it falls all the way it could easily come through the windows/door.

Next out to the farm we went.
"Hi, mom! Did you see this white stuff?! Are you going to give me some hay?!?! huh? huh? Are you?"

"Hey there hay lady! Where's the hay?"

"Psst, Kacee.... she's here to give us some hay!"

"So.... where is it? Under the snow?"

"Yum, snowmen are tasty" I do believe this is there first experience with a snowman.

It didn't take long for Lilly to demolish it!

Pretty boy!

Trace's new snowshoes... It's hard for him to get around when ice is packed into his shoes and he ends up walking on stilts.

After the farm, James and I putzed around for awhile.... watching movies, eating leftovers, and napping....

"Horses sound like a big pain in the butt..."

2010-02-09T19:18:00.003-06:00

"Hi Mom"

How so? was my reply when a co-worker asked this after hearing that not only did I come into work super early on a Monday but that I also stopped by the barn before work! (This conversation was occurring while I was checking the weather for that night to determine whether the blanket was necessary or not on my stop before going home.

I then followed up the response with, "My horse is quite possibly the primary reason my year has been so fantastic." See spending roughly 80-90% of the days in the year at the farm whether it be quick stops to throw some hay and say 'hey' (couldn't resist) or a long trip to clean, riding, and more, it is a place that makes me happy. Actually I don't think the place makes me happy... it's more like the big, beautiful, skinny horse out there that brings the smile to my face... the one that relaxes me (for the most part). He is my sanctuary. When all else is crazy in life, he is constant. Constantly skinny, yes, but constant....

This brings me to his weight... yep, the weight thing again...
His weight is a constant worry of mine, but the more I worry the more research I do. Meaning, not only is this horse relaxing but he is stimulating. In the past year, since I've been at what I'll call on my own (although it's not totally my own barn it's the first barn that I've had say of everything that Trace has to eat... I'm solely responsible for him and he is totally reliant on me. If needed I could do all feeding and rely on no one else. Anyways, back to the explanation of stimulation... since being on my own I have increased my knowledge of feed, hay, shoes, supplements, equipment, riding styles, lameness, vaccines, teeth, nutrition, etc. I'm amazed at all the stuff that I didn't know and all the stuff that I've finessed. This horse, to the best of my abilities, is a well cared for animal. Skinny, yes, but we've got things going against us... we've got the weather, the lack of ability to put a horse in a stall to eat (not me), the grumpy and bullying of another gelding, and Trace's need to know everything about everyone! He's such a TB.

So nope, co-worker of mine, he isn't a pain in the butt... he is the best thing (in the animal world) that has happened to me. This horse has taught me responsibility, he has taught me to ride, taught me to love (the longest male relationship in my life and second longest being my husband), he has taught me to seek out more info and learn on my own, he has taught me to be grateful, taught me to relax, taught me to be selfless, and taught me how to balance things in life... home.. work... pleasure. You can take your dog as being your only responsibility and deem your plate full... I'll keep going. I'll keep going out in freezing weather while you're warm and cozy in your bed, because odds are I'll have someone always happy to see me and always ready for a hug and a head scratch. In addition to the "my dog is enough for me" comment... I'm ready for more. I've tossed around the idea of taking on another horse as well as increasing the two-legged members of my family. I'm not one to sit on my bum (not that you are), but the more I'm doing the happier I am. So bring it on life... bring it on...

CHEEEEESSSSEEEE!

And.... They're off....

2010-01-15T20:55:00.002-06:00

the pounds that is. Nope. Not mine, Trace's. Turns out this nasty arctic blast and lack of quality roughage prior to the blast. Then there is the grandparent factor and the no-one-could-EVER-care-more-for-my-horse-than-me factor.

I've been out to the farm twice a day, every day for the past 2+ weeks. Blanket on, blanket off. Tossing them hay. Dumping bucket after bucket, wheel barrel after wheel barrel full of manure. Filling a water trough using small feed buckets that are filled from the kitchen sink b/c of frozen pipes. Man, I'm tired. I don't mind so much, he is my horse, my baby and my responsibility.

The others however are not my responsibility, but I make them mine. I make them mine, because I feel they deserve better. They deserve a little bit of love and attention. And they need to keep their needy noses out of my horse's feed! 98% of the time I arrive at the farm I see Trace's yellow feed bucket thrown about the paddock and laying on the ground. This means the bucket was placed on the ground with Trace out of the stall and with the possibility of another horse and a persistent goat and sheep are like sharks trying to get their noses into the feed. Leaving my horse, who feels quite vulnerable with his left eye, left to go hungry. A horse that has been prescribed to eat up to 10lbs of food/day is probably getting under 5 lbs. NOT COOL! I've basically been taking over this barn and am trying to get off work early enough to feed in the evenings and giving him a 1/2 scoop around 6 am as a first breakfast. This is kinda scary for me just because there is no telling how much food Trace will actually ingest that day. This isn't healthy for my mental health and is definitely not healthy for my horse!!! I've tried to keep things as simple as possible for the grandparents but in order to do that it makes my time throughout the week very tight. I've come home grumpy (sorry husband) and I've come home late.
Work has been demanding a lot lately (not complaining) and I was hoping for some better hours this year. I've been working the same hours as the last position and am hoping that once I've got all the client's on my caseload learned inside and out it will get easier. I'm excited to work with the staff, they are very talented and they care about the kids but I need them to stop fretting about something and take care of the concern. They need to step outside of their comfort zone and try something new... something bold. They really are great.
Thank goodness for a three-day weekend. On top of the usual out to the farm I'm adding another farm. We're farm sitting for another week so it will off to my farm, feed, farm #2, feed, clean, my farm, clean, ride, fix, and home only to go out and do it again later in the evening.

The toughest part of the whole routine is to not insult the grandparents. It's not really a lack of caring about them, it's energy, it's knowledge, and it's age. So I try to act overly interested in being with all the horses (not just mine) and offer to feed A LOT (which takes time... A LOT). Since Trace's weight dropped back to where it was way back at the end of July. So it's back to a change in diet with adding corn oil and another blend of hay (that is always so exciting... to buy enough hay to feed my horse and all the others.) Okay, so off I go... breakfast, feed store, and then my weekend routine! Happy 3-day weekend everyone!!!

Goodbye 2009 and good riddens

2009-12-31T23:33:00.003-06:00

This year was quite a year...
A year of changes, a year of hope, and a year of disheartening moments.

Overall, I'm still alive. My constant battle with my self image continues on. I weigh just as much as I did this moment last year. I fear the muscle is diminishing as the fat grows! Regardless, I will continue to move forward in my quest to still enjoy yummy sweets while keeping the weight down. For the first time in this life time, I've accepted myself (many times) as the way I am and at times have been appreciative of my looks. I'm still me... the crazy, overly stressed, over worked, and frustrating me. I'm still married, which at times towards the first part of this year I wasn't so sure I was where I needed to be. I've made the first and second steps to donating my hair (13 inches of it), and although upset at the initial turnout of the new "do" I've accepted that too and am now thinking that my hair is too long and needs a trim. I've been broken multiple times this year, a few toes, some pulled/stretched ligaments in both my ankle and wrist (making this post difficult to type). I've furthered my skills professionally. I've been slapped on the hand for a professional mistake and need to remember to learn for those mistakes. I've broadened my skills to connect with other populations with special needs. (Something I thought I'd never do). And although this year was a year of professional transitions, I'm still not on my own, nor do I feel that will be completely necessary at this time. I've got other goals in mind that I would like to accomplish...
Personally, I'd still like to see that 5 - 10 pounds off and kept off. I'd like to start a family. I'd like to continue to grow my relationship with my husband and continue to be both his partner and his friend. I would like to further my social life and be more personable at work. However, there is a fine line between being personable/social and being non-professional. I'd like to move on from my grieving. The loss of friends, family, and materials have been great this year. We all have grown personally because of it.
This year, I'd like to see my horse "fat." I'd like to succeed in training the two (not-so) "babies" out at the farm. I'll learn more patience as time goes on out there, knowing that what is realistic and what is desired are often two different things. This year I will make simple, yet achievable goals... because I know as the behavior analyst I am (and a darn good one too) that simple and achievable is the way to success. I want to please... I want to please myself, my family, my friends, and my animals. If I can be the person my dog, horse, and cats, think I am... then I will be much better off in 2010.

So long 2009. I will look back at you as the year that I wish to never relive AGAIN. I've learned from you and I chose to move on.

Welcome 2010. You have some high expectations to fill and I'm certain you will succeed.

Lots going on....

2009-12-08T20:45:00.010-06:00

So I just have to share all the happenings for the past week or three.

Over Thanksgiving week I was totally planning on spending my week long vacation riding and playing and cleaning up the house, finishing shopping for gifts, baking, and maybe finding time to relax a bit.
On Monday I slept in thinking that I needed a little extra sleep... I woke up to the sound of a mouse in the bathroom (walls)... which happened to occur at 6:45. Shortly after waking up, I get a phone call from a family asking me to explain the changes occurring at work. Sigh. In the afternoon I made it out to the farm (James was at a hockey game so I was a free woman). I rode Trace, and have decided that his back end needed a checkup. He has been super stiff going to the right, he creeps down some hills, rushes going up, all telling me that he is escaping something like pain/discomfort. Worked the other two crazy mares and headed home. Tuesday, I gave Trace the day off b/c I had suspicion that he was still sore, I called the vet hoping to get an appointment sometime that week (but also spent 3 hours trying to finalize my work schedule for December just in case no appointment was available this week). Wednesday at 11.... that's when the vet was supposed to arrive 12:45 was the actual arrival time. Hey, I can appreciate the need to be late in the event of an emergency at the clinic. The vet (Dr. S) tactfully told me (the one who was totally prepared to get some hock/stifle injections for mr Trace) that rather than treating just 1 or 2 joints... we should attack all of them! Yes, he's old and arthritic... point taken. Then he tactfully told me that the supplement that costs $160+ for 90 days was total crap! Bummer. He gave Trace an injection of Legend IV, and recommended a followup in 2-4 weeks (that's when he proposed I'd see the biggest difference). Thursday... Happy Turkey Day!! Friday, we hit the trails!!! Some friends of ours decided to take their new horse and new trailer out to Ray Roberts and "camp" without the stay over. So a trail ride and a campfire cooked dinner it was. I've been wanting & needing this for so long....

The ride was lots of fun.... and Trace already was showing a HUGE difference in his movements. The back end was more fluid and he totally just wanted to GO!!! He also decided to go for a swim.

The running after my horse because he got loose and started taking off down the state park road was a bit heart stopping. Dinner was yummy and the whole day was deemed better than Thanksgiving Day. Hands down.

Saturday was spent sleeping in and cleaning out the trailer. Halfway through the day you call back a missed call from your parents to find out that mom broke her ankle! What?!? Yep, broke her ankle while on a walk with the dog and walked more than 1/2 a mile home. That totally sucks. What also sucks but is a bit funny is that I rolled my ankle and sprained it... bad... swelling almost instantly. Like mother like daughter. (Not the first time this has happened either)

Sunday was spent decorating mom's tree then my tree on one foot.30 minutes after the incident.
1 week later -- swelling is down, but the bruising is up!

Monday was back to work (painfully) along with some cold wet weather. Trace, being as skinny as he is needed his blanket. I called up to the farm and said... "just keep him dry." Hours later I got out to the farm to find all 5 horses on the same side of the property. Not a big deal with the mares, but the other gelding would prefer for Trace to be dead. So I herded the two outsiders into some stalls then brought Trace into the third stall. Grabbed a towel and started to dry off my saturated horse before blanketing. Sounded like a plan, until BAM! Trace decided he was going to jump the stall door. WTH? Mini rearing and big bucks kept going on and on while I was trying to calm him down. He was ready to jump out of his skin. 23 years old? Yeah, right. I grabbed the lead rope just before he tried to lunge out the door yet again and that's when I watched my hand wrap completely around the barn wall. I screamed in pain and tried to drop the lead rope as I watched my hand swell.

So let's recap.... I sprained my ankle on Saturday and now I have a very painful right hand.

Stuck was where I was now. No one was at the house, and Trace was ballistic and cornered me in the stall with what I thought was a broken hand. I reached into my coat, pulled out the phone and called James (who was at home 15 min away). He came to the rescue and sent our trail riding buddies my way (seeing as they were only 1 mile away). I got Trace and me safely out of the stall and continued to try and dry him. Unsuccessful, I blanketed him anyways and hoped and prayed he wouldn't overheat, but without a doubt he needed the blanket.
I woke up super early the next morning and travelled out to the farm before work just so that I could check on him. I found him fussing in a stall (my number 1 rule is to not put him in a stall unsupervised) but warm and dry. whew. I also found the two "outsiders sharing a stall (luckily the foaling stall). Crazy times in a crazy new world.
I didn't need the cold weather to start the same week that I started a new position, but such is life.
Yep, the new position started and so far so good. (knocking on wood) Things won't really settle down until we move desks and get organized, but that won't completely happen until January. oh my... it's time for bed. Good night!

2009-11-23T19:27:00.002-06:00

So much yet so little going on in life....

Changes continue to occur at work as the new position start date draws nearer and nearer. By all means, I'm nervous. My current position has been where my heart has always been. I've been able to travel to places and areas I'd probably never think of going (in the metroplex). My eyes have been opened to the way people live, and I have been humbled and blessed with the way I live. (Although I WANT the house finished, I'm still very blessed with what I have). I've been able to work with all ages (from 2 - 24yrs). The hours have been crazy for years (the demand is always higher during the after-school hours). I have felt that I've done my job, and done it well. I've gone above and beyond for many many families. I've stayed up late finishing treatment plans, I've worked through sick days, I've worked in the car from sun up to sun down, and I've put (on average) 30,000 miles on my car each year.
In all honesty, my new position won't been much different from the current one. I'll be in one place rather than all over the metroplex. I'll have more stable hours that won't include frequent 10 - 13 hour work days. I'll just be giving up some of my very first clients. I've worked with one child from almost 6 years now. I've watched him graduate preschool, kindergarten, and amazingly first grade! I'll miss him tremendously. I've watched kids make their first request. I've taught kids how to do their one and only job, play. Luckily, I'll be able to do that at my new job. Unfortunately, I'll have one less resource/person to ask questions. I've got some big shoes to fill, and I'm a bit nervous that my time will be stretched very thin until the end of the year. Le sigh. Life works out in the end. (but not without some tears shed and laughter)

In my personal life, ah, one of my most consistent things in life, for now ;). Thank goodness

2009-11-08T18:19:00.002-06:00

Finally. The way things are going lately has really resembled what I "imagined" a marriage is supposed to be. Just as we expected after the back surgery things were going to be looking up! I've been finding myself "wanting" to come home, "wanting" to sleep in on the weekends, "wanting" to fix/finish all the little things that James appreciates, "wanting" to sit and be with him, and just plain "want" him.

He has been asking me how things are ("How was the presentation?" or "How was your ride?") and just doing that makes me feel good. It makes me feel like he listens to me.

Ahhhh.... welcome "happily married" times.

:)

2009-11-05T18:47:00.002-06:00

Ever since I started my job I have been a part of one program. Today, out of no where, I have been asked to switch programs. My first response was, "In addition to this current program, right?" Fully knowing the answer before I ever received it, I started to panic. The program I have put my ENTIRE career for the last 5+ years is now just pulled from me?!?! I've told mom and James and they both just seem sooo excited. And why shouldn't they be, but me.... I'm trying to hold back the tears. The thought of not hanging with these kids anymore is just killin' me. That I don't get to see their progress and successes. That I don't get to watch them grow up older than 5.

Sure the new position would have it's perks. Regular hours and less driving just to name a few. Along with the good comes the bad, though. Cons include that I'd be working even more closely to the one person who has been creating so much grief in my life lately and leaving the staff. Not so much leaving as not getting the chance to converse with them on a regular basis.

Somehow I'll begin to really make a friendship with someone (something that is really difficult for me) and then things will change in life that keep me from maintaining. I really love (in a professional way of course) the staff in my program. They're awesome, they do amazing jobs at teaching, and they are my friends. But we all have busy schedules so the times that we held meetings was always a nice time to catch up on everyone's life in between discussing kid progress.

Man, oh man, so much to think about.

I never would have thought...

2009-10-18T20:56:00.002-05:00

.. that I would have found the time in my Saturday to work not one, not two, but three horses and still be home by 12:00!

.. that two adults would go to the Pumpkin Express, without kids, and still enjoy themselves?

.. that Trace would have achieved a healthier weight again (I need to get some then and now pics up... it's been like 3 posts since I've last done it)

.. that I would have found a perfectly fitting pair of pants that are on sale for $9.98 and still got another 20% off!

.. that Trace would have EVER bent to the right for more than 5 steps on a larger than 15 m circle!

.. that Lilly would have been a harder worker and more willing to please while working than Honey in the round pen??? (again, I need some pics... she's a nice mover)

.. that the weather would have been so perfect this weekend?

.. that Lady would have actually hung around the farm after breaking free from her collar and chain attached to the tree? and she allowed me to catch her!

.. that I would have had such a wonderful weekend full of husband, horses, family, and shopping!

Now, I just need to find some time in the weekend to regain my energy!

A good night's sleep depends on the bed....

2009-10-02T20:15:00.018-05:00

With that title one would think we've bought a bed, again. James and I shopped for many beds... but it wasn't one that he nor I would ever be in. This was a bed for the Dinah dog.

I've been trying long and hard to convince James that Dinah is needing a new bed. She has been sleeping in the one that she has had for 5+ years every night. This poor bed has been through a lot.... night after night of drool and nose drip, upset tummies and hairballs, and even an occasional "gift" from our friend Finn. After all this wear and tear, it was looking a bit flat and had more characteristics in common with the floor than with a bed. Dinah needed a new bed.... if not for her sake, for mine. She has been waking up in the middle of the night to walk around and stretch and get comfy. Not always a problem, except for the click clack of her nails on the wood floor and the nose that nudges me from the side of the bed asking for an invitation.

Last Saturday afternoon I convinced James to join me and Dinah on a trip to PetsMart. Luckily, it wasn't too busy, because little did James know when Dinah goes bed shopping... it's an event. I've been watching Dinah's sleep habits for some time now, and she has many preferred positions. She likes to sleep flat out....

leaning up against an object....

and on her back...

Based off her many preferred positions, a bolster bed was the way to go. This is a bed that has raised sides that will support her body if she wants to lean against something and not get walls/furniture dirty. The sides also give her a pillow like object to rest her head on, but the inner pillow part is large enough for her to spread out and still not have to touch the sides.

So bringing the story back to PetsMart.... we had the luxury of no one else needing to shop for pet beds that afternoon. When Dinah and I go shopping for beds we take them for a test-lie. I'll pull them off the shelves and line them up for Dinah to hop in and out of. "up up" we'll say and she'll pop in them and lay down. Sometimes it'll take some convincing to lay down, but the ones she truly likes, she'll sink into. (Typically on bed shopping days I'll run her hard out with the horses so she will be ready for a nap. On this day, she didn't run nearly as long as she needed.)

By the end of the day/trip she had completely melted into 1 particular bed. This so happened to be the bed that held the award for most hideous bed made. Blag!

So now comes for my challenge... How do I re-cover this bed Dinah has fallen in love with so that it'll fit with our decor? I spent hours on this idea and came up with the solution of buying a fitted crib sheet. I'm a genius. So the next day I had planned to go back to the store and get the bed Dinah needed. Somewhere between Saturday and Sunday and nasty virus/bacteria infection (no one really knows which) attacked my digestive system and I was rendered home bound for the majority of the week.

On a trip to another store later on, I had found our second choice in a blue and grey... a more acceptable color palette for our house. Of course, we (Di and I) didn't buy it, we needed to go make sure that the ugly bed just wouldn't work. So back to store one... then back to store two.

So long story longer.... we got the bed. Here is how well the household accepted it....

Holly taking it out for a test-lie...
"Hey, isn't this my bed?"
"Come on... let me have a trying..."
"Hey look! This bed comes with a toy (pillow)"
"FUN!! Mom will you get off the computer and play with me?"

Textbook Perfect!

2009-09-04T16:34:00.002-05:00

Now those are two words that I wish I had said about me.... regardless, this is how the vet tech described my horse's blood work. Of course she made it sounds like there was some bad news before mentioning the perfect part. Big sigh of relief.

So now I've decided to make the effort to change my attitude about Trace.

Skinny. Yes. I know. No big news there! But he is packing on the ounces more and more every day.

Old. No. More like middle aged. Yes, some days he looks, acts, and feels older than he is, but the days are cooling off and the spunk is kicking in (as you can see in the previously posted photos).

No more cantering? I don't believe it anymore. I think he just needs to build up the muscle that his body was feeding off of when he was being starved (again, see previous posts). We've got a long way to go, but his body is building and his trot work is so much stronger than before. We just need to start working over some ground poles and cavallettis.

No more jumps? Don't believe it anymore! I walked him up to that baby novice jump we have at the bottom of the field, and I'd be D@$^-ed if he didn't have the desire to jump even though he shouldn't yet.

We've got lots to work on, but now that the seasons are turning we'll have the energy and patience to deal with the challenges (rather than doing it in the Texas heat)!

Weekend updates

2009-08-30T20:50:00.017-05:00

A very busy weekend has just come and gone... but not without pictures to help tell the story!

5:45 came very early Saturday morning. That's when the alarm was intended to go off... Dinah's upset stomach attacked at 5:40.... I had intended to get out to the farm early (before sunrise) to get in my ride and be back home before 9 to be out of the house by 9:30 head to Bedford to meet up with mom and head out to our 11:00 facials!

The weather was fabulous so early... cool enough to convince me to wear a sweatshirt for the first time in months... (it wasn't worn for long). Trace was awesome! I don't know if it's the probiotics that I started him on, the smaller amount of Amplify in his food, or the cooler weather, but he was spunky and ready to go. His stretching (which I've added back into our tacking up routine) is better than it was years ago. I spent the entire ride just working on a nice forward, energetic walk, with head low asking for a stretch or some nice contact... no matter what, I got it... as long as it was on the straight lines. Bending was more difficult. This was done easily for the majority of the ride until the hot air balloon distracted... well, everybody.
After our ride, I was preparing their breakfast and that's when the gas well from across the street was having some moments of releasing some pressure. Making one heck of a noise and startling everyone. The morning silence had been broken however, it had led to a game of tag/chase.

The game was much too fun to break up and bring 'em in for breakfast so I grabbed the camera and enjoyed the free spirits! Unfortunately, this delayed me getting home when I wanted....

Made it out of the house a bit late, but still had enough time to pick up some birthday crossaints for mom.

Off to get our facials and run some errands all of which were in good fun.... Central Market, Three Dog Bakery, DSW, Petsmart.... we made it home hungry (for crossaints) and with a headache (from food deprivation). Quick showers to get facials gunk out of our hair and brunch was served (at 3:30) along with a movie.

Stephen and Sara arrived for dinner shortly followed by James (who was engaged in his new hobby, guns, all day). So we all enjoyed making pizzas on the grill for mom's birthday dinner and then it was time for cake. The one thing that kept me awake for so long on Thursday while I made it from scratch! (So proud). When it came time for gifts, I told mom if she would find it an appropriate gift if I told her she was going to be a Grandma... when her jaw dropped... i told her I was joking.... HA.

Yummmmm....

The trip to Three Dog Bakery enticed us to purchase some "birthday cake" for the puppies so they could join in the festivities.... Bulldog bar for Porter and a Bichon Bar for Dinah...

No worries... it's all dog friendly ingredients!

Full and tired from all the fun, we went home for bed....

Sunday... soooo tired... couldn't beat the heat by getting up early. At 8:00 I finally rolled out of bed and much to my surprise found that it was still cool out!!! Yay!!! At the farm, I finished stripping a stall, hosed down the isle, and played around until it was time to ride. Again, a fantastic stretch followed by a fantastic ride.... his trot was the best in years. He would stretch down and was energetic and was a whole new horse. We even cantered a bit. His RH has been a bit stiff so I was sympathetic so I didn't push him too much. After the ride it was time to work Honey.... this is how I found her...

It was nap time....

Not wanting to disturb her, I started loving on Lilly. Ever since she was worked by someone else she has not been as sweet. I'm sure she is in heat, but the panicky session didn't help either. Lilly was spooked by something frantically buzzing above our heads and almost ran me over. I looked up to find this....

Our third encounter this year... and it looks like we'll have more! Oh joyous occasion.

Looks like we have more on the way.

Honey was horrendous. It was like she has never been worked before... Running me over and kicking out. I should have stopped way earlier than I did. I was sloppy thus carrying over to her! Bad trainer... bad trainer.

All in all another great weekend. Now it's time to go have some left over cake!!

Adventures of Ponying...

2009-08-16T21:19:00.003-05:00

Adventure doesn't even begin to describe how this training episode went. As the skinny boy walked up to me this morning, I took one look at him and said... "I don't want to lunge you, let's go for a ride." Then... I took a look at Honey, the fat little "pony" for the day, and thought, "why don't you come with?"

I'm still torn between letting my skinny boy retire fully or not, as the hot days grow in number he looks more and more worn out (sometimes), but his heart and expressions in his face still tell me that he wants to and so we do.... So today I put him in charge of being the teacher.

Stupid me took some time to to even consider whether to ride bareback or saddle up the big guy. Um... let's just say that when you pony a horse (and for the first time), you are the only one of a group of three (you, the horse you're riding, and the horse you're ponying) keeping the group a group. I figured that the saddle would give me a bit more stability. Rather than just being pulled off the back of my horse.

I successfully got on without a hitch (and without kicking Honey in the head). We all headed out to the field... and when I say all, I mean ALL! Me on Trace, followed by Honey, followed by Lilly. Yep, the lil' Lil felt a bit left out so she joined the crowd... you know the saying, two's company, three's a crowd. Lilly was a crowd. She quickly figured out she wasn't officially invited so she became a bit pissy. She would tear through the field and do her signature move by trotting right across your path, stopping, backing up right to you and kicking out. Luckily she missed all of us.

Then, Honey, who was doing fabulous, had to "go"... why is it that all my horses find it necessary to stop when they "go"? I always see people riding there horses who don't miss a beat when the "go." However, I wouldn't want someone pushing me to walk around when I'm "going" so why make them? That was the first and only time I dropped the lead. Hey, this is my first time give me some slack. I circled around grabbed the rope and continued on.

Honey did well trying to keep up with Trace's long stride (even at a walk). Only a few times happened when I would be in the situation of being quartered by my own two horses. It was at those times that I was so glad I was smart enough to ride with the saddle. We kept it up for about 15 ish minutes before I unsnapped the lead rope and "worked" a bit more with Trace.

His feet are needing a trim so we didn't trot much, but his walk was fabulous. Nice. Relaxed but with energy. Low neck and on the vertical! Beautiful contact. The best walk in over a month. Nothing much had changed except that we lunged yesterday and used the chambon. My first experience with the chambon and although I know it's a complicated piece to inexperienced I was slow and kind. Not asking for too much contact, but I at least asked.
There isn't a whole lot of info about the chambon available, but I researched what I could and tried it out.

So... now for the dilemma of the week... Trace hasn't been finishing his food. He is leaving about 5 handfuls or more. I know I'm jumping to conclusions, but man with his age and his skinny state, I'm jumping! I added red cell to the feed over the past two weeks. So this morning, thinking the bitter taste is responsible for his attitude towards his feed, I left it out. Still the same result.... maybe it's the other supplements, but he has had those (unchanged) for months. So... I grabbed a bit of dry food (we water down his meals to reduce chance of choke) and offered it plain Jane..... Gobble. Gobble. gobble gobble gobble.... what a snot! He happily ate all the dry food. So now... we have a boy who thinks he is daring and will laugh in the face of danger and avoid all the safe, wet food. What a snot! Hell... if he doesn't choke and he eats.... and he gains weight... I'm all for it. He's old he knows what he likes.

Happy 14th Anniversary!!!

2009-08-12T20:50:00.003-05:00

happy to be in his field, but I gaurentee he has his one good eye on all three girls!

Today marked the 14th year that Trace and I have been together. Partners for life. The longest standing relationship with any male I've ever had. Quite a feat for me!!! While spending $20 on the horsey-treat buffet and attempting to give him a bath, I laughed to myself thinking not much has changed. He still is concerned about EVERY horse in the current herd. Even though he had two of his girlfriends within a nose's reach during his bath, he still had to fret about the mare in heat in the next pasture. He is still skinny, still has his mohawk... and I still love him!

This was taken right after his signature (public).... curling his lip and sniffing the air! When it's just me and him, he likes to make me feel special and blow sweet nothings into my ear. So sweet.

Baby made a break through!

2009-08-09T21:29:00.006-05:00

I'm pleased to announce this is my 50th post!!! And I'm so glad I can brag in this one.

Today was a play day. I didn't want to do any crazy heavy work around the farm... I wanted to play. It was just a day for me and the ponies. I only got to play with 3 out of 5, but that's 2 more than I usually play with.

First up, Trace. Mr. Narcolepsy. I am finding that when it's hot out and when I go to put the bridle on that Trace will tend to have some narcoleptic moments when his eyes start to droop and his knees start to buckle.... but once I'm on, he's on. Mr. Separation Anxiety. Both yesterday and today he had "issues" with being the only one in the small field while we rode. Yesterday we battled with not having to rush the trot (during our warm up walk), and we battled with being OK with facing another direction than the big field and barn. Sheesh, you think after 13 years and 362 days of rides routines that he would have learned that at the end of the ride... we go back to the herd. Today wasn't as flustered as yesterday, but with his "stud-like" movements... strutting his stuff and being as collected and on the vertical all yesterday, he was a bit more stiff today. Still and nice and relaxing ride. We did have one incident of not picking up our feet thus leaving us to fall to our/his knees and me go toppling over. Thankfully he/we caught ourselves and made it back to our feet no worse for the wear. Eh, it happens, I guess that is what comes with old age (lack of balance or forgetting how to walk). He is soooo fun though. I can trust him for so many things. One being that I can let him loose outside of the field and trust that he won't take off far from the fence line.

Next up, Honey. Another lunge line lesson for her. In the small field along with Trace (so that he could eat and keep her calm). She did so much better than last time. She is accepting the sound of the whip moving through the air. Lots less bucking and less caprioles (quite a sight for this little girl). She's still confused about walking, trotting AND cantering to the right. Apparently she was taught to always keep the humans on the left, making lunging to the right a difficult task. Once she was good and sweaty from that (oh yeah, she is listening to the "whoa" command now), we worked around/over some poles. Honey is NOT a horse who is lackadaisical (spelling?) about walking over things on the ground. (It took her two months to get out of her foaling stall, complete with red carpet) I had her walking over two poles on the ground 8-ish feet apart. She would even walk and halt halfway over then continue on. That girl was so eager to please. She always pouts when I don't work her and only work with Trace. She was stoked today. After a lot of pole work, I pulled on the cavalleti and had it raised approx six inches off the ground just to see what she would do. She flailed over it the first few times. Always hitting it with her back feet, then I trotted her over it. She again flailed over it, but would do it. After her first true jumping effort I made a huge fuss and you could tell that she was so pleased with herself!!! I wish I had a picture. She was practically smiling!!! We tried the other direction and she made an attempt to run out, resulting in her catapulting over the cavelleti end with a cracking sound and then trampling in my direction where I (a) braced myself for impact, and (b) tried desperately to move out of the way. Regardless her front toe met the back of my heel and ouch! Shooting pain all the way up my leg! Yep, the same foot that is healing from a broken toe. (ouch again). I'll survive. I'm just so stinking proud of her! We couldn't end there so we hobbled over it a few more times much more successfully than the time before. And quit there. Heading out of the field I decided to try ponying her with Trace next time I have some help out at the farm. Funny thing about ponying.... Trace already pony's with Honey. I can lead Honey anywhere on the property knowing that Trace will follow without any lead at all! Honey is like Trace's seeing eye horse. After a hosing off and a good roll it was time for round 3.

And next up, Codee. Poor guy didn't have a very relaxing time. It started out fine. I was only going to tackle a bit of the 18 inch knot in his tail (blag). Right when we got tied to the tree, James needed to come through with the tractor. Although he went slow, Codee wanted nothing to do with it. SNAP went the tie and off he went to the herd. So into the barn we went with cross-ties. He did a bit better here, but I still remained cautious with my position having to be near his very powerful hind end. 45 minutes and I only undid 3-ish inches of the knot. It'll take lots of sessions, but he'll soon have a tail rather than a club to shoo those flies away.

I didn't get to poor Lily. She so wanted some attention hanging out at the gate of the big field all day. Her sour-puss attitude is growing on me. She now walks up to me in the field and doesn't always back her ears. I even got to kiss her poor sunburned nose today followed by a nudge for more attention. She is turning into a sweet girl who just needs lots of attention (more so than I have to give).

A little bit of fence work followed by dinner and some ice cream completes a fantastic day! See as by couch neighbor has already commented on the length of this post, it's time to finish folding laundry and make it to bed so I can get some sleep! Hope everyone's Sunday was as fabulous as mine.

2009-07-21T08:31:00.001-05:00

Sometimes you have those days that just go bad.... (yesterday)

And then sometimes you have those days that you feel like you don't have a friend in the world... (today)

The week from you know where turns into who cares

2009-06-11T20:42:00.003-05:00

The past two weeks have been well normal. But "normal" in my life doesn't always fit the typical definition of "normal." Tomorrow marks two weeks since James' motorcycle accident, which led him re-injure his back. So now, we're going back through all the steps of steroid injections, physical therapy, and soon surgery. What a bummer. The visit from the farrier was disastrous for both me and my horse, which brought me out to the farm daily to not "play" but tend and care for my horse. There was Monday night which was so emotional for me that just left me angry and feeling attacked the next day.
Work has been so exhausting and trying as we rush to finish putting together everything for the new social skills group. I've dealt with stench, sweat, and storms.
Oh the storms, the missing-the-tornado-by-5-miles storm. The driving 20 b/c you can only 5 ft (if that) in front of your car kinda storms. The omg my car is going to be swept off the road kinda storms. The whew you made it home but can't park in the driveway b/c there is a big tree taking up residence in the driveway, kinda storms.
That horribly annoying week that I wish would just got to, well... you know has turned into WHO CARES!
Who cares that many of our parents don't believe in air conditioners? So what I don't get to go to Europe... maybe some day. I don't care that the dog got into the trash again... it's just her way of saying "hey, I need some more attention please!" I'm just letting it all roll off my back (as much as my type-A personality will let me. I'm not giving a hoot or holler lately, b/c I have so much... I have no financial burdens (at least not as many as others), I'm healthy, I have a horse who finally grew his brain back and acting like his old self again, I have friends who will offer to cook us dinner for a sure to be fantastic night out, I have a husband who loves me (he has to... he is relying on me to take care of him while he is recovering. Although I don't always feel this way, I'm relatively successful at my job. The cherry on top of it all this week was the Sprinkles cupcake my husband brought home from work to share. Ah... the bittersweet goodness... not necessarily good for the hips, but fantastically healthy for the mind and soul. Tonight I'll just sit back and not think about all the things left to be done, all the things to worry about. Tonight I will just enjoy what I can and leave the rest at the door.

I've had it.... dammit

2009-06-06T21:37:00.003-05:00

I've had a bit of run with bad luck lately. And when I say, "I" it really ends up being "us." James and I have had one heck of a marriage thus far. Too many things to write about today. Today, though, today was me having the bad luck. First, the husband was so nice enough to hold a discussion with me at 3 am.... I had already been sleeping for at least 3 hours prior... but when you're wifely duties call, you must answer. (STOP IT.... not all things involve sex). No, it was a true discussion. Being 3 in the morning and knowing my 6:15 wake up call was approaching closer and closer, I honestly don't know what the details were.

6:15 came..... and went. But when 7am came, I was up. My goal was to ride Trace and work Honey before the farrier showed up (10:45). The day started with a lost shoe... damn, and noticing that Trace has apparently gotten a hold of too much "old" (aka not-an-ounce-of-nutrition-in-it) hay and has somehow lost like 20 lbs in a week. Yes, he is eating, but the hay is soooo bad that he actually burns more calories digesting than he does taking in. And there is still plenty of Alf-alpha left to dish out to him. The only problem is... I'm not wealthy enough to spilt/share with three other horses that aren't mine!
Moving on....
No shoe on the left back + v. loose shoe on the right back = bareback ride. So, with three v. nosey mares I get through the gate to the field and hop on.... 10 min later, I realize, "damn, I forgot to put on my knee brace" So I rode for as long as I could working on bending left and bending right, and using as much strength that were in my legs to get an energetic walk. Once a shoe is throw, I typically only walk in rides (the boy is sometimes tender footed). Ride over.
No time to work Honey, because in an attempt to allow Trace some time to eat the good hay, I put him in a stall with breakfast and hay, and to keep him sane... Honey went in the next stall.
Next I moved Cody (currently known as A-hole #1) in to the paddock with his girls and proceeded to deal with the squeals, kicks, and sprays of bodily fluids (Gaaaarooosssss). All was a blur watching the girls be protected from Trace (not a threat) by Cody (A-hole #1). WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!?!?!?!?!
Enter the farrier. Minus Cody still being a pain in the rear, the trims were a bit uneventful. Even Lily, She reared up once but that was it... waaaaayyyy better compared to last time (THANK YOU). I really think she and I are starting to connect (knocking on wood).
Once everyone was back in the paddock and carrots were being distributed to the girls (via James)... all hell broke loose. The horses attacked here... they attacked there.... they were behind the barn... they were in front. You could hear the squeals and farts... and hollow thuds of hooves hitting chests and tummies. Ouch!
So now it's time to sort the ponies... who goes where? The inseparables (Trace and Honey) end up in the big field. (Yay, endless munching for mr. skinny). But wait.... what's that?
Oh... it's a deep gash under his blind eye... with a matching one above. Thank god it wasn't the actual eye. Now I don't mind scrapes or mild bumps, but when bumps include joints.... that's a different story. And that is exactly what we had, an odd sized bump on the left front knee. crrrraaaaaapp! So on goes the halter and back through the war zone we go. But first not without a good long cry while standing all alone in the middle of the field. I knew no one would bother me there. The grandparents were having lunch/breakfast, and James, well he is too sore to walk all the way out there.
Ok, cry over... time for a screaming fest. By the time I finally got Trace to the hose for some hydrotherapy, I had had it. And when I reach that point, I need to learn to stop and back away from the problem. With screaming pissed off ponies in the stall (Kacee) to keep #1 away from Trace, and the tractor moving behind the barn, all hope to be successful was lost. I almost broke my hand getting it stuck between the halter and Trace's face (gotta remember to not grab the halter but get the lead rope). Hooves went flying and there went my temper. I quickly finished up and finally got him back in the field. Time for a break. James approached with caution by this time and asked when I was coming home. Soon was my only response.
The rest of the day was a bit more restful, until dinner time at the farm. The grandparents wanted the horses out of the field so somehow, I had to sneak one horse past #1. It's not like Trace can fit in your pocket. After a few minutes of musical horses, hydrotherapy (again on the even larger knee), and dinner time it was time to get Kacee and Trace into the round pen. Easy right?
No. We forget about the inseparable duo. Trace was losing his mind walking away from his girl until he saw Kacee waiting for him in the round pen...... and WHAM!!!! A ginormous pain shot through my foot and up to my brain. Foot. On. FIRE!!!! Again, another moment popped up to where I just need to back off from the situation. Instead, the wrath of Julie was inflicted on my horse. So Sorry....

So this is where I've had it.... The night ended with Kacee hangin back with Cody, and Trace glued to Honey. But I've had it. I don't care if I never sit on my horse again (yes I do), but all.... (yes) ALL of these horses are going to learn some phenomenal ground manners. They will learn to leave my $200 bridle alone while it's hanging from the saddle stand. They will stop giving my horse back scratches while I'm trying to put the saddle on. They will watch out for my feet while walking next to me... not in front, behind, or on top of me. I don't know how to do it or when I'll have time to teach 5 horses, but they'll learn. Suggestions or hands-on help very much appreciated.

Now if you'll excuse me... I have a partially hoof-printed foot to tend to. Ouch!!

Trace and his weight

2009-05-29T22:22:00.011-05:00

So it's time to evaluate what the move has done to mr. Trace.

Here is Trace last winter. This is when I started to ration out his supplements each week only to find that he wasn't getting them... not to mention... oddly enough it was also taking almost 4 weeks to eat two 50 lb bags of feed. Can anyone pick out the sarcasm in my writing?!?! He was just plan skinny. You can really see his ribs right behind my leg. So, here you can see his ribs from a decent distance away.

Here is Trace when we finally moved three months later.... after the straw had broken the camel's back and not feeding my horse was no longer an option.

Right off the trailer... he seems so much skinnier. Until....

1 month later he seemed even SKINNIER... This was a super stressful month for me... I knew it took time to pack on some pounds... I knew he was stressed.... I knew the hay that kept being few to him wasn't the best option...

Unfortunately for the hubby, this is when I was adamant about getting a new saddle that fit both me and him better...

It was this month when I totally re-evaluated the feed and changed things up AGAIN.

So month 2 came around and 6 weeks after we have arrived at North Spoon Ranch we know look like this....

Yes, you can still see some ribs, but the lower part of the tummy is starting to fill in...

And I got the new saddle... Happy anniversary/b-day to me!!!

This is Trace and his new girlfriend, Honey. Plus this is my new favorite picture.

2009-05-17T21:15:00.002-05:00

The day has finally come. It's our first anniversary. Meaning, we've made it 365 days of marriage. We've made it through surgeries and random chest pains, cancer and the aftermath of cancer, unfinished houses, exams and exams, gold then grey hallways and "green" (rather blue) bedrooms, insects (blahg), fights and love, skinny horses fat cats and old dogs, damp towels and hairbrushes left on counter tops, late nights of "there was this girl" stories and weekends of escaping to the farm/barn, cookouts and cookies, promises broken and promises kept, tears and laughter, merging lives and families, standing your ground and making compromises....

And if I had to do it all over again.... I would in a heart beat. Because my husband is the greatest man I've ever met. He takes care of me, protects me and keeps me in line. And most of all, I love him.

How we've made it, I just don't know. This past year has been full of enough to fill the next 20 years. Knock on wood, things are where they need to be an I'm so ready to find some simplicity and a honeymoon in the next year!

With that being said.... it's time for some cake and champagne!!!!

Whew... I can see clearly now the rain is gone...

2009-04-15T18:50:00.002-05:00

Yep, that's my sigh of relief. it's a sigh of comfort. I love this time of year. It's at this time that I just have that feeling... the one that takes you back to when things were carefree and wonderful. It's spring. Someday, I'll find the time to just play hooky. The day that has no/fewer appointments that can be rescheduled. The day that I can just leave the house in the morning and go ride and work at the farm without the weighing stresses of kid programming, staff supervision, and PARENTS.

I find myself completely and utterly grateful for the life I live. Yes, I've had my hardships this year. No one ever said marriage was easy... but definitely mine. Let me recap.... my husband had back surgery 12 days before the wedding; my father-in-law passed away after a long very hard battle with cancer; the house... the house, it's still not finished, yet, we still live in it with plans to destroy the work we've done only to redo it... the right way; the BCBA exam.... took it twice because of the migraine from the depths of hell came for a visit in my head (I know that doesn't sound too bad, but the husband slept while the wife studied all in the same livable room of the very undone house); work... I've steadily took up more responsibility since graduation however, for some god-awful reason.... my pay has just been cut (damn economy); all this on top of the struggles of the first year of marriage. I know I'm missing a ton that's happened this year, like the two months of progressively annoyingly chest pains which lead to bills and bills from doc-in-the-box, unanswered questions and no compensation from insurance company.

Okay. Enough of my belly-aching. I'm grateful for the life I'm living. I'm grateful to have rooms to hang out in with an added bonus of having furniture to take up space; I'm grateful for the animals I have to fulfill any lack of companionship I might possibly be lacking; I'm grateful for the husband (speaking of companionship) who bends over backwards (cause he can now) to please me and help light the stresses from work the second I walk in the door; I'm grateful for the parenting I had growing up and how they did everything right (well, at least my mom); I'm grateful again for the husband, whose money managing skills have prevented us from feeling the burn of the economy (even with 10% less income); I'm grateful for having a bed in my room that doesn't have to be shared b/c there are enough to go around in the house; I'm grateful for the fact the house hasn't been broken in to; I'm grateful for not being abused repeatedly as a child.... I'm just grateful

This past month has been full of interview upon interview of families to be served by mhmr. Those are the families who can't afford ABA services for their child given their typically 1 source of income. These families suffer long waiting lists and hours of paper work while their child comes home from school and beats their head against a wall, refuses to eat b/c their taste buds are crap from lead poisoning, screams bloody murder b/c their anxiety is so high when anything is near their head (could this be due to the bastard birth parents who beat this now adopted child and fractured his skull?). I'm grateful because I can talk and express my many feelings if I so choose. I'm grateful, because even though, at times, things suck... tomorrow is another day, I have a fuzzy critter always within arms reach to hug (seeing as there are three trying to lay in my lap right now), and I have so much to live for and so much to give.... it's all so clear now

2009-04-08T21:15:00.002-05:00

Wow... things change in an instant around here...

I was thinking in the shower this morning (it's a great thinking spot and when you don't have a radio to listen to... well you get the point).... anyways, I was thinking in the shower today about how my posts have been a bit on the grouchy side....

That's how I've been feeling lately, grouchy. James can confirm that. So I thought that I would try to post something upbeat... and positive...

I thought. Under an hour later I got a phone call from a co-worker with disheartening news. This left a bad taste in my mouth (hard to do since my taste buds are dead due to stuffed up sinuses). And now I just feel numb.

Life just knows when to throw a wrench in the mix, huh? I thought this was when things were supposed to settle down? Tomorrow will hopefully answer a lot of my questions. Tomorrow will hopefully bring about some changes for better or worse. At least for some of us....

Now, for a bit of positivity.... isn't it a beautiful day out?

What a week!

2009-04-03T22:21:00.002-05:00

I've had way more than I can handle this week, and I'm only taking as long to write this as it takes to finish baking my cookies....

I've dealt with new north dallas mom waaaay more than I should have.

Worked odder hours than usual. (11 hours alone today with a 10 min. lunch break)

Had major grouchy tummy.

Had major grouchy husband.

Was just majorly grouchy.

Been hearing waaaaaay too much from parents, teachers, and...well... kids about .... let's just call it "playing quietly" I guess it's time for the birds and the bees.... I could understand with the 11 - 14 yr olds... but the 5 year olds?!?!?!?! WTH?

I've been told the equivalent to 'I have more money than you could even imagine.... Let me tell you we're rich, unlike most people.....' sheesh... talk about talking down to me!

I've meant many grateful and appreciative families!

I've relived some terrible memories of not-so-grateful families....

I've got to go eat some cookies.... can't wait for another week!!! But more importantly, I can't wait to enjoy the weekend!

The thing I can't say on facebook

2009-04-01T20:10:00.002-05:00

Ah... since I have become more popular with the TSA crowd on facebook there are just a few things I can't put on facebook. For instance, it's only been 1.5 weeks since the preschool director went on maternity leave. It's been 1 week of, "ok I can handle this", " things are running 'smoothly' (rather not rough)," and "come back preschool director!!!" I'm not the only one either.
There have been three days of not knocking things off the to-do list that is steadily growing. Those three days are the last .5 of the 1.5 weeks. Needless to say, I'm overwhelmed. I'm not quite ever sure about the quality of work I'm putting out, and lately I'm even more on that side of the spectrum. Today I've had more people ask me to do things that I have NO clue about. Luckily and lately I'm getting very good at asking "how?" What I really need to get better at is asking "Help?" However, I hesitate. Why? Because I know everyone else is wanting to ask "help" too. We're all a bit outside of our norm and boundaries. We're out of the comfort zone. And we're only 1.5 weeks into this maternity leave.

Julie G' status.... Julie G is overwhelmed.

Only 2 more days until the weekend and there is a slight possible chance that I will get to ride tomorrow afternoon if it isn't raining! Keeping fingers crossed.

2009-03-23T20:39:00.019-05:00

Spring Break 09. The most productive spring break I have had in approximately 10 years.

Saturday. It was cold, misty, and gross. Perfect time to move a horse. Thankfully I didn't have a heart attack trailering.... last time we trailered Trace, we had a blow out which left us in a busy parking lot, spastic horse (out of the trailer), and a heart attack while the spare was replaced.

From here

Saturday. James burned one of three trash piles. It took 3 days to extinguish. I worried about fire being so close to the barn, however James assured me that nothing would happen.

I spent Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday cleaning up 10 years of barn and all it's inhabitants. Garossssssss.

I cleaned about 18 bridles... only one was mine.

James working on the tractor.

I'll have finished pictures up later. But it looks amazing now, and sooooo much cleaner.

Wednesday. I spent stripping.... stalls that is. Why? My horse didn't mess them, but I had to get rid of the fleas some how. Yep, fleas. GAAAARRROOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSS. and itchy. Fleas just so happen to love me. I'll skip over the flooding the stall part (although it was just a little puddle or two of standing water), and the opps-my-horse-stepped-on-an-ancient-pipe-which-flooded-the-pasture moment/hours.

Thursday. Play day!!!! James and I went riding for the second time ever, and the first time as a married couple. Cute. This is when I realized the vet lied to me. My horse isn't ready to retire.... he was just bored.

This boy hasn't done this in years!!!

Bored of just under three acres and two friends that had to be penned up daily. Now he has just under 13 acres, three new girl friends, a gelding, and a goat.

Trace meeting the goat. Up close and personal. Honey is in the background (guess which one she could possibly be?) Lilly is showing off her favorite side (so she thinks). I'll post more on the new friend's profiles later.

Friday or was it Saturday? We drove out to the barn and loaded up some free railroad ties to make a jump. A small jump that would still be a giant hurddle for me, but Trace readily jumped it at a standstill when I walked him up to take a look at it. Retirement? Peshaw.

Sunday. I spent cleaning up the last of the cleaning mess.

We had dinner with friends on Saturday and with family on Sunday. Sunday, we celebrated Dinah's birthday waaaay late. Sorry sweetie.

She didn't seem to mind much. At least nothing that a shopping spree to PetsMart wouldn't take care of.

Today was the first day I left Trace on his own for the whole day. I miss him, and I'll see him tomorrow.

2009-03-16T22:04:00.002-05:00

The vet came out today.... all in all he announced that I have a relatively healthy 23-year-old horse. Unfortunately he discovered the remnants of an old injury..... to put it simply my horse has a tight ass. Meaning... he injured his back leg (probably one of the times he flipped over backwards) and now his muscles have tightened and shortened the tendons.

What this leads to is my horse can't do anything more than a trot on a bad day, and only a few strides of a canter or a few baby jumps. Yep, we're moving towards the lazy days of hacking around and trail rides.

And, BTW... we have moved to the farm. So much to tell now, but I'll have pictures and stories later on.

When the rose-colored glasses fade....

2009-03-03T22:32:00.004-06:00

I believe for sometime now I have been wearing the rose-colored shades. Yep, I be in denial about one measly little thing. I won't mention what that thing is, but if you are concerned that this involves you... don't worry... it doesn't.

I've been hurt/bummed by another, and turned to confide in my mom (who had been out of town for almost 2 WEEKS). She gave me advice. Advice that I did not care to hear so...

I confided in James.... who advised me the same way mom did....

bummer.

This is when my shades broke. This is when I realized that this has gone on for too long and I must be the one to take the next step.... this might involve conflict....

I. HATE. CONFLICT.

On a kinda sorta other note.... I need to be more social. James doesn't care for his Cinderella, and I don't care for groups larger than 4. Anyone have any suggestions? I need my own behavior analyst to target social skills.

Some days I really do believe I have Autism.

When it's my time to go...

2009-02-22T22:21:00.002-06:00

When it's my time to go...

will I be surrounded by friends or will I be alone?
Will it be fast, painless, slow, painful?
Will I have family to fight for me to stay?
Will I have family ready to let me go?
Do I run from my fears or face them?
Will I find it hard to let go? or easy to find peace?
Will I watch down on my loved ones and find them happy in time?
Will I be scared?

Death is never an easy thing to face. It will never be welcomed. If faced in the same situation would I choose the same or different paths as my husband's family? These past few days and the ones to follow will be trying. We are all waiting for peace, and are asking for it to swiftly come. The family is ready. The family is strong. What they can't do alone, their friends and family will help support and push them on.

Matthew 11 28
Come to me, all you have are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Death is not the enemy of life, but its friend, for it is the knowledge that our years are limited which makes them so precious. It is the truth that time is but lent to us which makes us, at our best, look upon our years as a trust handed into our temporary keeping.

**Sorry to the readers for being so "glum" it is a time of mourning.

In finding peace... peace finds you

2009-02-19T21:53:00.002-06:00

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Brombeck (written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute.look at it and really see it . . live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Small plates & big portions

2009-02-18T20:56:00.004-06:00

My world is changing... quickly.

I feel that things are crashing down all around me and it ain't pretty. I don't mean to be such a Debbie-downer but really... I think I have a reason, but you can be the judge.

My father-in-law has been battling cancer for almost 18 months now. The outcome doesn't look grand. There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about this. I can't fix it. All I can do is watch my husband and his family work so hard to stay together and it's a struggle. And yes, I'm trying to hold on too! And be there for my new family.

My grandma is having surgery tomorrow... I think. Based on the stresses she is having lately, her health might not be "par" enough to go through with it.. which leads to...

My mom just flew up to Chicago to take care of my grandma through post-op recovery and in addition will also be caring for...

My grandpa, who is fighting so many senior ailments and diseases and needs lots of assistance throughout the day (and night)

and

My aunt who is struggling with the whole "being a mom" thing with teenagers, college students, and college grads. Unfortunately after promising my extremely stressed mom, I've promised to not share more publicly.

To top things off in life...

My schedule at work is overwhelming. I'm so booked through March that I already believe it's march. I'm dealing with difficult parents, apologetic parents, wonderful parents, but most importantly I'm responsible for little tiny futures (aka. the kiddos).

My horse. I made and delivered the "notice of departure" today. I'm a chicken and avoid conflict at all times possible so I did it via letter while feeding (on a day not scheduled to, but figured he needed dinner regardless). What a step for me to make that decision and make a HUGE change to my life, voluntarily.

Now if that doesn't seem like enough on one plate, then consider my plate small compared to yours. What can't be measured in this blog is the amount of stress I feel.

The Valentine in Review

2009-02-16T20:28:00.009-06:00

Last year, Valentine's day was a flop with the fiance... and he knew it. See the top 5 fights of our lives.

This year, James just knew he had to make up for it too. And boy did he.

I got a jump! Built by the love of my life. Now, my friends, that is love. Someone who will support your hobby. This will be my valentine jump (once painted). I'm so lucky. He gave it to me Friday, after I woke up from my left-work-early migraine coma.

Saturday, we weren't so lucky to spend together. I went to take care of the boys at the barn. Trace and I had a fantastically fabulous ride. He had to hold the farm horses (note the barn and farm are essentially two different barns) for the farrier, move his dad from the upstairs bedroom to the downstairs, get a haircut, and then we would meet up at home for a nice dinner and 'dessert'(?).
Well, even the best laid plans can go wrong. His dad made an unscheduled trip to the ER/hospital, and James joined the trip. It wasn't until 2:30 (am) that we finally saw each other.

Sunday. (aka Valentine's Day for the Griffith house). James joined me down to the barn. I actually had someone to take some pics of the ride. After a trying Saturday ride, the old boy was a bit stiff for Sunday.

After finishing with a late breakfast for the boys, we had lunch with James' grandmother and sister... joking about the new term, "layaway boy."

Then, home again for some down time and dinner. This was our time to make up for the day before. James was a cookin' in the kitchen. He sent me out for rolls and dessert. I think that was merely a decoy because when I came home... this is what I found...

The rest of the evening was fabulous and fabulous.

Now I've got to get on to writing a notice to the barn owner... I find it unforgivable that my horse doesn't eat for 30 hours.... grrrr

What a break through...

2009-02-10T22:40:00.002-06:00

One of my moms poked her head in the office today to tell me a story....

The night before the family had ordered pizza. When the delivery guy showed up, dad answered the door and paid. Before leaving my little guy walks up to the delivery guy and said, "Hi"

wait. pause.

(a) Did he just initiate a conversation towards a stranger?

(b) Did the guy understand him?

continue.

Pizza guy said, "hey." The kiddo continues.... "Pizza is yummy." (well yeah.) "Do you like pizza?"

WAIT!!!! Holy $&%!!! Did he just do what I think he did?!?!?!?! This little guy not only initiated a conversation and was understood, but HE. ASKED. A. QUESTION.!!!!! ON HIS OWN!!!!!!

AND PIZZA GUY UNDERSTOOD!!!!!!!

I screamed... I cried... my day was made and the past 9 months of working on conversation turn-taking and initiations has finally paid off.

I have worked with that child since he was 3 (now 8). I worked with him through many many many words..... just teaching him to say "oh" took 2 months and 4 handfuls of hair out of my head (he did it not me). And now.... now he is talking to others independently.

At 8:45 am my day was so worth waking up for. For all of you who have never struggled with language, count your blessings... there are people out there that have worked harder than you or I combined just to say a single word.

An email addressed to my body...

2009-02-05T22:20:00.002-06:00

To: Disgusting bug in my body
Cc: My Brain, my stomach, my throat, and all others affected

Subject: Oh come on..... give me a break

Ok you. You have worn out your welcome. Truthfully, I never welcomed you into my body, but my stomach is just way too much of a push over, and you just walked on in leaving a mess of symptoms in your path. Sore throat, headache, stuffy nose, queasy feelings in the tummy, not to mention the ears. You ruthlessly stole my voice (thank you for returning it days later... guilt must have set in, huh?)
You literally robbed me of the most beautiful weather we have seen in 2 months! The one weekend I had to do nothing but ride, play in the barn, and be outside. I felt fine all weekend at work... you know those times when I don't have time to ride and am stuck in that tiny box called an office all day?
But now, tonight you have return from your week long vacation... you are in full force. Again, with the ears? This time you have made me nauseous. Every movement I make or see makes me want to head straight for the bathroom. Now I like the tiny bathroom, but I don't appreciate being the same shade as the walls.
So, bug, here is your ultimatum....
You have until 1 minute before I wake up tomorrow morning to leave my body. I have a difficult meeting to deal with tomorrow and need to be on my A-game. This game does not include you as a player. So there you have it. Take your symptoms and leave. Consider this your 9-hour eviction notice.

2009-01-28T15:50:00.010-06:00

Disappointed. That's exactly how I felt when I had to do what I did yesterday.

I got two text messages at 6:30 am saying that work was closed for the day. Any other day I would have stretched out under the covers, let Mac into the bedroom, and snuggle with him and Dinah while the ice storm approached. Guilt or rather worry kept this from lasting very long. This is when I started to make some phone calls. First, to the other horse owner at the barn. It was a weekday so it was her responsibility to feed and take care of the boy's needs. No answer, odds were she was already at work. Second call was to my mom. She answered right away...

"can you go check on the boys?"

"I'm on my way out the door to work.... I don't have time."

"Ok, well I'm on my way to get down there and make sure his blanket is on."

"Why wouldn't they be?"

"They weren't on yesterday, and I passed by the barn and they were standing out in the rain."

"Ok, well you head down here, I'll drive by if the blankets are on then you can go home. If they aren't on, you'll be on your way already."

Why can't the blankets just be put on by mom?

(1) she has to work

(2) the boys are wet and blankets CAN NOT go on a wet horse. It's like wearing wet clothes, putting a jacket on, and going out to play in an ice storm.... no chance of ever being warm.

I drive down there as pissed as can be... so I thought...

I arrive and the dog is mad at me because she can't run out in the muddy/icy field and must stay in the car. I walk into the barn and the boys are just standing content in their stalls. Hay remnants are scattered across the field and very unappealing to the horsey appetite. It's quiet and cold. I get to work. Trace isn't terribly wet but still not dry enough for a blanket. With no electricity, towel drying is all I can do.

It took my 30 minutes to dry him off. His blanket went on.

I spent another 30 minutes drying the other two off before I deemed them a hopeless cause. It was too wet and cold and they had rolled in the manure/pee pile. They were saturated. I did not feel comfortable putting their blankets on.

To help with this problem, I set up the barn so the boys can eat their hay under the roof and in their stalls. They munched happily.

I walked into the feed room and just decided to check on a few things I've been worried about. The feed buckets looked untouched since I had left them on Sunday. Erg... I counted the scoops of supplements left in the container. 14 scoops were left, the same number of scoops I had put in the container on Sunday. So with a little deductive reasoning, I decided that the boys hadn't eaten. I fed.

The boys seemed very happy by the time I left, I however, was not.

It's time to move on. The care of my horse that I expect is not happening. The blame of changing seasons can no longer cover up the fact that supplement levels aren't depleting at the rate they should be, and feed that once took two weeks to disappear has taken 1.5 - 2 months.

As Trace enters into the golden years of life, he deserves better not neglect. It's time to move on. Away from the freeway, neighborhood distractions, and missed meals. I'm sorry big boy, you deserve so much more.

2009-01-25T01:01:00.002-06:00

"that honestly was the best part of my day!" That is what I admitted to my supervisor and boss on Friday, when I had discussed the phone call I had just completed.
They both looked a bit confused when they both knew that I had spent the past 20 minutes listening to a parent complain about why I was not a good fit for her son....

'you dragged him...'

'your affect is flat...'

'you never smiled, you looked bored...'

'you insulted him with a toy...'

'you could really benefit from the books I gave you...'

I took it... blow after blow, and.

I.

didn't.

care.

Yes, it is my job to care, to be pleasant, to be friendly, smile, be animated, and not looked bored, but I knew that none of those things were true, and I knew that was the end of my time with her and her son. **watch as the weight is lifted off my shoulders**

Unfortunately, it is just one part of the job that is always around. Parents need a way to express their stresses, and more often than not, it comes out in a rude manner and about something completely irrelevant to what is eating at them in the first place. They need help, but are in too much of a hurry to beat the child's deficits they don't have time to accept the help. My heart goes out to these parents who will hopefully be patient enough to allow another to help.
We as teachers are not an outlet for stress, moms and dads, we are here to set up the foundation you and your child need to succeed.
These parents I deem 'treatment-hoppers.' Meaning they jump from treatment to treatment expecting an immediate change for the better from their child. Bad experiences lead to less and less trusting parents. I understand. These parents must realize that like any attempt to shed a nagging 5 pounds.... crash diets may have no effect at all thus leaving you frustrated and discouraged never wanting to try that ever again... well, at least not until desperate times come calling for desperate measures all over again. I mean come on!!!! The child has to go to school sometime... and that's when these parents will contact us again, ready for round two.
In this case... I hope the mom chooses not to contact me again, because, even though it is part of my job, I do not willingly choose to subject myself to untrue insults.

What made that the best thing about my day on Friday is that although accused, I could remind myself of all the children similar and very different from this mother's child that I have taught and helped succeed in many ways. Just in the past six months... I have more than doubled the vocabulary of one child, decreased aggressive behaviors in another, got yet another to try new foods and be okay with playing an instrument in front of others, taught yet another to play, I taught a child a word, the very first.... I've done so much with these so-called 'flat-affect' and 'unanimated' skills that I for the first time ever have been able to take another person's opinion of me and let it roll off my back. My children I work with have succeeded, therefore, I have succeeded.

And that, my friends, is a difficult task for me to do.

This miserable week and my thanks for it all

2009-01-22T19:25:00.003-06:00

Things weren't quite what everyone was needing this week. It was full of viruses, lay-offs, lost pups, etc.

Someone v. close to me said, "I lost 1.2 million dollars last year" (I couldn't even imagine that much money in my possession)

I spilled water down my pants 2 minutes before I left for work (thankfully (for once) I have a 45 minute (minimum) commute)

Purses, wallets, & thus driver's licences are left at home (thanks for James being off of work early and coming to my rescue)

No money to buy $85 supplements for my horse one day (thanks for that I found something supposedly better (not at the cost though) another day)

Parents (2 families in particular) complained like none other about the services I provide (thanks for the co-workers and supervisors who will back me up on my professional decisions) (thanks to the assessments I'm doing for my other clients that show me all the hard work I've done for the past x years has shown great improvements in so many kiddos)

My husband repeatedly called me spoiled (thanks to some of my quotes and pictures on my wall by my desk, I'm reminded that although I might be spoiled.... he was the one to do it)

The week was short but hectic, thanks to the fantastic package that will be waiting for me tomorrow when I get home. However, I can't hold my breath, because like electronics and me, the mail have some sort of vicious/humorous relationship

2009-01-12T21:44:00.000-06:00

Ok... so either I'm
(a) overwhelmed by some unknown variables that I'm somehow encountering EVERY.SINGLE.DAY

(b) exhausted b/c I've not slept for 4 days

(c) overwhelmed by known variables of which I will not disclose to you tonight

or

(d) all of the above

I vote for option D

I also find it very funny that when I mention that I haven't slept more than 2 hours/night for the past 4 days, the first thing out of every one's mouth isn't the obvious, "why not?" The first thing out of every one's mouth is, "Are you taking anything for it?"

?!?!

Why is it that we are more concerned about putting disgusting capsule covered powder into our systems that will inevitably get stuck in my throat when I attempt to swallow it than we are concerned about the reason for not sleeping?

Regardless, I don't know the reason for not sleeping, but my dreams are extra odd.

Sweet dreams everyone.

My Marley-s and Me....

2009-01-06T20:29:00.000-06:00

After blubbering and sniffling my way to finishing the final chapters of Marley and Me last night, I hugged Dinah a little tighter and a little longer.

That book hit me hard. It reminded me of all I had been through with my babies throughout my entire life. So many adventures Grogan and his dog had experienced, I have experienced.

All the memories flooded back about my dog growing up, Winston. I played for hours with him in the backyard growing up, I took him for runs to the park and back, I loved him unconditionally, I forgave him when he dragged me through the back woods and ripped a sleeve off my sweatshirt, I forgave him when he pulled me across the front yard to greet the neighborhood dog passing by. All those times I forgave him for him reminding me he was just a dog, he forgave me for being just a kid... Dogs weren't meant to drag a radio flyer behind them for hours on end. What other dog out there wouldn't think twice about his owner making him jump over a dad-made contraption that resembled something a horse would have been more suited jumping over. This dog did. He let me use him for class projects and senior projects through Jr. high and high school. He protected me when I was scared and he comforted me when I was sad. I watched him get old and I felt like I betrayed him when I left for college and moved out of the house only to return two days out of the week. Who would say goodnight to him, who would remember to turn the lights on during a storm so that he couldn't see the lightning? No one could love that dog more than me... no one. When the day came that we had to say goodbye.... I often wondered if I would ever be able to love a dog more than him.

6 months passed after Winston had and in walked a little puff ball... or fluff of happiness as others have deemed her.... in walked, Dinah. In my case she would be the equivalent to Marley Jr. She had big paws to fill, with her predecessor being the first 4-legged critter I had ever fallen in love with. Dinah has done all and more to fulfill my need for a 4-legged companion. She is the greatest little ball of fluff anyone could ask for. Me... who vowed to never have a small dog... never got one... she is the largest hearted dog I've ever met... she is just stuck in a petite body. The adventures we've had are too many to go into... but they have been fabulous. I'm terrible to think of the future and fret over how life will be when she gets old rather than to enjoy the present, but that's just who I am. As I sit here, blogging, I have a little fluff of happiness snuggled next to me.
Loyal.
Grateful for a friend.
Loving.
That's what she is to me
and I to her.

Winston, I'll always miss you

An '08 recap

2009-01-04T19:23:00.000-06:00

Good bye to 2008 and hello 2009.

'08 was quite a year.... Despite the obvious of getting married there was plenty of other things goin on.

January. This was the first of many OMG moments of the wedding is months away and I still have a thesis to finish!!! So begins the crazy hectic year.

February. The entire month was full of boot camp and thesis. Valentine's Day is one that we probably won't ever speak of again and was lonely. Days were left before I defended the largest project of my life outside of James, Dinah, and Trace.

March. The oddest day of the month had to be the 6th. I say this because (1) I defended my thesis and succeeded, (2) it snowed that day. Not just a pitiful snow, but a snowstorm.... and inches of snow for building snowmen, having snowball fights and blow drying snowballs out of Dinah's underside. The wedding day was approaching nearer and nearer, again OMG.

April. This was truly a fun month full of telling the Thesis' final draft to kiss my rear, and fun parties and showers! James and I escaped the 'band parent' shower, still wondering why some people who hardly know us would ever want to shower us with gifts?!?! My Bridal shower and Bachelorette party were both fantastic, and I wouldn't have changed a thing... .not even the day after (of course James would have preferred a more pleasant drive home, I'm sure).

MAY!!! The biggest of all months!!! This was it!!!! We're getting married and they're no going back now. But wait... let's not forget about the spare of the moment back surgery 12 days before the nuptials, or the Graduation! I finally graduated... and in the back of my mind... I was hoping James would like the 'out-of-school' version of the woman he was marrying. The big day came and went in a perfect blur, and our attempt of a honeymoon is still an unknown future adventure.

June. This was an exhausting month of taking on new responsibilities at work, helping a still recuperating husband, worrying about how we will finish the house before getting kicked out of the apartment in a matter of days, family illnesses and set backs, and an increasing annoyance of chest pains.

July. Out of the apartment and into a house deemed 'livable' by the husband and a 'disaster zone' by the wife. Patience was running very thin on my side and there were honestly many moments of grouchiness. The month was spent with many days of painting and many $$ going to doctors who couldn't tell you why your chest was ready to explode!?!?! We got counter tops!!!

August. IT'S HOT! And I WILL NOT SLEEP IN SWEATY SHEETS ANYMORE!!! We follow suit with our friends and buy a window a/c unit. So now, the bedroom is cold from midnight to 6 and the rest of the house is stifling hot. House is still a disaster zone, but with color! James also learned this month to NEVER EVER make a large purchase again, without inviting his wife into the situation. The motorcycle was a definite August issue that should never happen again. In addition to motorcycles and paint, the 22nd marked the day of my BCBA exam (attempt #1) and the worst migraine I EVER HAD!!!

September. Still no doors on the cabinets in the kitchen, and Dinah has become very bored, thus picking up the hobby "what will I eat today?" She ate everything.... baking chocolate, raisins, chocolate chips, trash, walnuts, pecans, and FLOUR?!?!!?! The flour paste she made on our carpet was the last straw and the carpet was replaced.... (in December). Another attempt, this time successful, was made to move boxes out of the living areas and make this disaster zone a house. James left for a weekend in Austin, and I stayed behind to make a bedroom, paint a kitchen, and clean, clean, CLEAN!

October. This would be the garage sale month, and the month that I revisited all those horrible memories of my migraine back in August. The exam.... I had failed. A huge disappointment that would last me for months to come. Constant reminders at work would slap me in the face daily and I quickly retook the exam in November.

November. This typically is the month that sparks the holiday spirit. Instead it was full of test preparation, shopping, work, and house work. James and I prepared for the holidays, beginning with Thanksgiving.

December. A mad dash was made to prepare for Christmas. There was no time to think about work, outside of work hours (a new one for me). This Christmas was to be different... this was the first Christmas married and my first in Texas. I'm not accustomed to 70 degree Christmas mornings, nor am I the type to crawl out of my pajamas for the entire day. This year we opened gifts after midnight mass and travelled to two places. This was the first time all year our house was open to hosting parties larger than 2 guests and with little notice (a day). I spent most of my time, cleaning, gift making, baking, resting, and riding (my favorite time of all). Days before Christmas I had received notice that I passed my exam (attempt #2). Thus completing all I had set out to accomplish in 2008.

Although, no one can be sure what the future may hold for them, I hope that 2009 has many wonderful adventures and few heartaches. Both are possible and inevitable but in what measures I have no idea. I wish this for everyone.

To get a jump start on this year's wrap up....
January. I slept a lot and baked bread!

Odd tax deductions

2008-12-30T20:02:00.000-06:00

So... for those of you who have seen me in the past few months just might have noticed my hair is a bit on the long side.
I typically get the... "wow, your hair is getting really long."
My response is, "well, I had to grow it out for the wedding and James likes it, but now I'm thinking about growing it a bit more to donate it"

So checking on the length of my hair tonight, I wondered,
(a) how long does my hair really have to be?
(b) do you get to deduct hair donation from your taxes? (selfish I know)

So in researching option a, hair has to be 10 inches (check! only if i wanted to have my hair cut up to my chin <-- not a chance)

In researching option (b) I ran across an interesting Q &A site.

Tas46 (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
My client recently donated her daughter's hair to "Locks of Love". Would this be considered for a noncash contribution on Form 8283? Any one ever taken this? If so, what values did you use? Thanks.
Deback (talkedits) said:
January 12, 2007
What was the FMV of the hair?
Tas46 (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
Estimated between $750-$1000 depending on the online auction you were to view.
Deback (talkedits) said:
January 12, 2007
I've never had a hair donation before, but check out Publication 526, pages 7 and 17-18. Also, see Form 8283 instructions.
Dennis (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
A topic more worthy of April than January. Decedent donates his organs. Deduction on the 706? Give me a break.
Pegoo (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
If it is deductible, Locks of Love will send your client a letter with the amount they can deduct.
Taxman 55 (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
C'mon folks! No deduction for donating body parts! If there were, the blood banks (or how about the sperm banks) wouldn't have quite as much problem getting donations.
Now for an interesting twist to it. How about if the parent bought the hair from the child and then donated the hair. At that point the hair has a basis of the amount paid.
Death&Taxes (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
Ah, Dennis, but what about if I donate a kidney while I am alive? :) I read that one retired sports figure donated a kidney to an ex-teammate, and he and the teammate were not good friends. The donator was not that old, so do we do an actuarial computation of its value? Thank goodness it is January.
JR1 (talkedits) said:
January 12, 2007
What if you become a kidney farmer? Growing replacement kidneys...surely there's something in that? At least the cost of production. Oh, and the production credit.
Bottom Line (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
I think that's called cloning
Dennis (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
Self-created work?♫
Death&Taxes (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
If this were 1982 someone would come up with a kidney farming shelter. Seriously, folks, it's easy to explain to clients why the value of services is not deductible, but kidneys, hair, etc is tangible. I see a new field coming: body part appraisers, though I suspect under the new law, the deduction would be thrown out unless it was in good condition.
Dennis (talkedits) said:
12 January 2007
Oh come on. Hair may be unusual, but all of you have clients who give blood. Anyone taking a charitable deduction?♫
Corptaxhelp (talkedits) said:
January 12, 2007
How do you depreciate a kidney?
I donated my hair to Locks of Love several years back (when I still had hair to donate). Aside from the fact that the IRS doesn't allow body parts as tax deductions, until the hair is processed and made into a wig, it has very little value. (If hair had marketable value, barbers would be selling their sweepings.)
JR1 (talkedits) said:
January 12, 2007
LOL!!!! Think of the tax savings for a barber...of course, those aren't HIS clippings, are they? Sort of like customers who drop off old shoes at the shoe repair shop who donates them to a resale shop...

Wouldn't it cost more to harvest kidneys and other organs than the amount of $$ you would have deducted from taxes?

Some day I'll have shorter hair... and hopefully someone will have the opportunity to get hair.

Whew... we did it!

2008-12-28T13:02:00.000-06:00

James and I had a mere 25.5 hours to clean, mend, and cook for a family Christmas party. I was a bit unsure if we could actually do it. The guest list was uncertain, and could range from anywhere from 22 - 16 people. So we cleaned, scrubbed, screwed on light switch plates, broke down a truckload of cardboard boxes, baked, gathered old family recipes, swept, laundered, baked, washed, cooked, showered, slept an hour or two, and baked some more. When the time came we weren't ready... but close enough. Family arrived early, and some never arrived (due to a flood in their house), but we had fun nonetheless. The food? Well the food needed some more help, but I tried....
We started the menu with baked spaghetti (an old family recipe), then moved onto hot roast beef sandwiches (something that no Texas Butcher has ever heard of... we made our own), ham and cheese (for those not wanting the hot stuffs), salad, condiments, sausage rolls, spinach and artichoke dip (thank you Jennifer... but mine came out v. green and Christmas-esque), desert was the best... it was brought by others.
All in all, no one should have left hungry and James and I have a v. clean house.
As we head down the homestretch of our holiday, we have a lot to look forward to. Some of our best friends are in town, family is healthy (for the time being) and out of the hospitals (whether in town or not), we still have our date day/night to look forward to, and to figure out a way to cleverly tell my coworkers that I'm now Board Certified!!! Yay, me!!!!
I hope that everyone Christmas Holiday was just as fabulous as mine.

Even the best laid plans....

2008-12-18T09:04:00.000-06:00

Yep, you can plan your week to a "T" but somehow, someway... life will change your plans. Not just every once in a while but all the time....
- the day Dinah disappeared so she could play Lassie and save Timmy.
- the wedding day
- and this week to name a few.

This week I have been against the clock each and every day.
Monday - go to work, go to a meeting in the afternoon in Colleyville, leave 15 after 4 regardless of the meeting being over or not to leave for the next meeting at 4:30 in Southlake! SLAM.... 4:30 got cancelled, so I had to loop the block and walk back into the Colleyville meeting... come home and bake... bake... bake until you want to fall over
Tuesday - wake up late b/c you decide to avoid as much icy road traffic as possible. Although you needed to be at work and get tons of stuff done... come home and bake... bake... bake... until you want to fall over
Wednesday - go to work... work... work... meeting... work... team meeting.... and I faked feeling good for as long as I could and then, blahg.... I get sick. Not just feel feverish but I have to leave now, b/c I'd rather get sick and leave a mess in my car than get sick in the middle of my family's house. Somehow I get home, park the car, apparently don't even close the front door and bee-line it to the bathroom....
did i get to finish my baking? NO... Today (Thursday) was the day that I was supposed to be lugging in 13 cookie filled tins to all my wonderful co-workers. I only had one complete batch of cookies. And no one knows how much more that made me ill to know I was missing out of the last night I had to finish my baking, and there was no getting out of bed/bathroom.
So now I'm stuck with a bajillion cookies, and if this girl doesn't get well enough to get back in the kitchen her co-workers will go without!

My husband and ABA

2008-12-05T17:04:00.000-06:00

My husband loves to learn. He loves to learn about finance, real estate, home improvement, etc. Who would have ever thought that he would learn behavior analysis? I mean, he did take an online course to complete his degree, but in reality... I took it for him. He passed.... with (f)lying colors.

Since we've been together, James has picked up on principle behavior techniques. And let me tell you... it can get annoying.

He totally knows when I'm craving attention and am being whiny to get attention, b/c he'll ignore me. He knows it... and i know it... and now he knows I know it. ANNOYING! In some ways it makes me more aware of how my kiddos feel, or how James feels when I can "influence the way he acts" (put the way we explain it to our higher functioning kiddo).

He knows when I'm hurt and stressed and will give me attention to comfort me and make me feel better. And that makes him knowing how to use v. basic techniques worth it.

James loves to learn, and he has a long way to go with ABA, but I really appreciate him trying. If we can both master all the techniques chances are our marriage will be phenomenal.

2008-12-05T16:48:00.000-06:00

Ok... so turning on the TV this afternoon... I promptly learn that a movie has been made from the book that I have been trying to read for three years!!! Now here is my dilemma...
(1) do I attempt to read the book quickly and convince James that he needs to take me to see the movie after Christmas?

(2) do I say, "screw you, book. I've been trying to finish you for three years and I've just been way too busy.... watching the movie only takes about 3 hours out of my life." and convince James that he needs to take me to see the movie after Christmas?

(3) ignore the fact that there is a book unfinished in a box somewhere and ignore the fact that there is a movie you want to see but like all other movies you want to see will probably go without seeing it in the theater.

James.... FYI there is a movie out there that I want to see. (if you haven't caught on to the blatant hints from (1) & (2))

Words of Wisdom

2008-11-13T20:19:00.000-06:00

I have a job in the office. It isn't to treat kids... well, that's not true... I treat kids all the time. Rather this job isn't part of my responsibilities nor do I get paid for this. My job is to keep the environment enriched and open....

The outreach office is well, ugly. It has bright yellow walls, and poorly painted. Meaning, who ever painted the room yellow, did NOT take off the sticky pads holding up a picture or scrap the stickers off the wall. Gaaaarrooooossssss. (I don't do sticky). The office has a small window in the wall leading to a closet (does that hold a purpose?). And... we have extremely hidious curtains.

So.. I've made it my job to make it better...

I've added cork board squares all around the room to mask some of the yellow. Rather than making a spot to put up notices and memos nagging people to get their job done, I've occupied these squares full of motivational quotes and words of wisdom. It started with a few, such as, 'Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.' or 'Do good and take data.' Then James added, 'I will always love you.' (<-- I'd like to think that one is just for me) and just the other day I found one that I wish I only had the will power to follow.
'Before you speak, ask youself, is it kind, is it true, is it necessary, and would it improve the silence?'

Gosh, if I only lived by that rule... so much I say, I truly feel does NOT improve any silence.
Do you impove it?

2008-11-11T21:15:00.000-06:00

How exciting it is to get the news from your friends that they are getting married!!!! Congrats to both Sara and Jennifer on their engagements to their guys this year. I wish you two the best of luck planning (with no hassles) and lots of love from here on out for the rest of your lives!
Better yet, I get to be in two weddings next year!!

*** Christine, you can't be too far off***

Photos from the past week or two...

2008-11-08T22:30:00.001-06:00

Kid pictures.

Dinah and Holly, unposed (honest).

Kitty yoga.

Prime real estate at the Parkway House.

Halloween 2008

This is James' pumpkin. In the lighter moments of the evening, it looked a bit like Santa Claus.

But as it got a bit darker it looked a bit more creepy.

My pumpkin... just looked a bit bored... (yawn)

However, my pumpkin was talented enough to take its own 'spooge' and paste another pumpkin onto the porch. (totally not planned)

Giant spider anyone?

2008-11-08T21:35:00.000-06:00

Let me just start out saying... I love a glass of wine or two! (hiccup!)

It was the wine last night that made me realize how much I have been enjoying my marriage lately.
I asked James last night, "what has changed about us in the past month?" Looking at me with a puzzled look, I expanded, "I don't know what happened, but it's so much better. I'm so much happier. And, I love you."
Sipping on a glass of red wine, I enjoyed my whole evening.

Grrrr

2008-10-30T21:04:00.000-05:00

I am sooo pissed.... and don't know how it happened?

I awakened from a dream early this morning. This dream like so many others have been lately was quite disturbing. It involved a life changing decision and I'm afraid we (James and I) made the wrong decision, and that has left me absolutely heart broken. Just a stupid dream I know, but why this one? Why so many like it?

This whole day has been unknowingly, rather unconsciously, annoying and frustrating. I had set aside the whole morning to work on my presentation I'm giving next Tuesday. Redoing the whole thing... b/c it's crap! Instead, I was asked to train the new staff member, answer a bazillion questions, get calls from parents, called staff members, e-mail the entire world, call parents back, go to meetings, and discuss kid after kid. Before I knew it, it was time for the Halloween party and then off to Richardson for some staff supervision, without making any progress on the presentation.

Since arriving back at home (12 hours after I left it, meaning an approx. 10+ hour long day with no break), I've received a few e-mails:
(1) my exam approval letter... only to find out the day I prefer to take the exam is not available.
(2) an e-mail reminding me to watch the hour long video before the 9 am meeting tomorrow (located 3 miles from where I left my last appointment this evening)
(3) an e-mail from a teacher on a team who explains that one v. important member of the team apparently has no stinkin' clue about.... well anything. All I can say... please make up your mind!!!! I can only work with so much.

And let's not forget the conversation I had with a co-worker about how outside of the world of Autism, our friends and family think we're real idiots and there would be no possible way we could ever have any helpful advice, whatsoever, for their children/lives.

Enter James... who refuses to stay in the same room as me as I watch Grey's Anatomy... and cancels our date/plans to carve pumpkins tonight saying that we can just do it tomorrow... you know.... during the day... when it is warm.....

About tomorrow.... I'm going to a meeting then coming straight back home so that I can work (with fewer distractions) on my presentation... and study for my quickly approaching test (will I pass it this time?). So, although I am about 3 hours away from working my 40 hours and there is still one full day left of the week, I'll apparently be doing 20 million things tomorrow.

I was really hoping to hang with the husband tonight and cuddle with him on the couch... instead... I'm cuddling with the pooch and typing this blog.
Yep, I'm just a bit agitated and very tired. Well, I bid you farwell... I'm off to study!

Weekend adventures

2008-10-26T22:44:00.001-05:00

My favorite part of the weekend had to be hanging out with Mike and Jennifer. Yay, to Jennifer for having the absolute best line of the whole night!!!!

Scene: Entrance to the haunted house maze. Enter Julie clutched to James' arm, followed by Jennifer clutched onto Mike's arm, followed by creepy scare-ground employee.

Jennifer mistakes creepy employee for small child looking for parents. While Jennifer is staring right at the creepy employee approaching, the actor releases a v. delayed moan, groan, and scream.

Jennifer: Still looking directly at creepy employee/lost child states (very seriously and with parent-like/unamused tone), "That was rude!"

Mike, James, and Julie break into a hysteric laughter.

Thank you for that fantastic line Jennifer... I'm still laughing at it!

On another note....
Now that you've seen that coat in real light.... how does it really look?

Wonderful husbands doing wonderful things

2008-10-24T10:55:00.000-05:00

So... I'm not going to deny that I've been in a slump lately. And I'll never say that my life is way worse than anyone else's. But I will say that my husband, sure as heck, has been trying to make me feel better any way he knows how.

So how does he know how?

he tells me he loves me
he rubs my shoulders
he cooks me dinners
he steals my (his) slippers to catch my attention and smile at me
he trys to make me feel better when he knows I've been up since 3am with some rude monthly visitor knocking on my insides, and wakes up early before work searching for the heating pad that I tried to find packed in some box way way way in the back room (and inevitably at the bottom of the stack)

and my fav....

he leaves an envelope on my dashboard with a certificate inside for a free fullbody massage, facial, and foot scrub.

wow, he's great.

and lastly..

while at a co-workers wedding last night, he kept commenting on all the cute kids running around and looks at me (after like a million free margaritas) and says, "well, just let me know when you're ready to have one of those..." ...... wait for it...... "but I hope you're not quite ready yet" (said with a very worried look)

what am I going to have to do for him after he's done so much for me? welcome to suggestions

2008-10-24T10:33:00.000-05:00

Did you know that backyards are public areas? Well if you are like how I was, I used to think that you could safely assume (and you know what that does) that you were safe in your backyard and all views the backyard has of the inside of your house.

But my backyard is 'special' it is a public area. My ('cuse me), OUR backyard serves as a walkway between one house to another.

For James, this works out. He and our neighbor share tools and they are free to take as they need. Great! (for him).

For me, this means that you must be fully prepared, when the blinds are open, (assuming you have blinds) to have all clothes with you when showering so that you don't have to go through the bedroom to get dressed. Nope, you must somehow put all your clothes on this tiny piece of counterspace thinking that it isn't clean or wet (usually the later). What this also means is... you must have to look somewhat presentable to walk into any room viewable from the backyard. For instance... this morning while letting the dog out to 'do business' I look like a bum in my pink sweatshirt, jr.high p.e. sweat pants, and my hair looking like I had antlers growing underneath, I look up to find our neighbor looking up at me from... yep, thats right, our backyard. yay.

Other people may think that watching some guy walking into/from our backyard just might be squating there for a bit, and that we're too rude to let him sleep inside the house.

What will happen when we build a fence (ha, like after we finish the house in 20 years)? Will we have to include a spot to put a front gate and a back gate, thus not solving any of my concerns one iota?

As you ponder that, I have to go take care of the dog... The squirrels are in fine form of driving my dog crazy today!

A note to self

2008-10-19T00:52:00.000-05:00

Dear self,
It has been a concern of many or your friends and family that you are not happy. This so-called funk that you are experiencing has left you... well, blah. Or as your husband would put it... dull. So what's up? Many feel that you need to feel better already. So when are you going to start fixing the problem?

Response to self:
I don't care, self. I have been dealt a hard and heavy blow, and I don't have to bounce back immediately. I apologize to my friends and family for the dullness or lack of interest in life. It's not just the test results that are causing these feelings. I'm unsure of what the bulk of it is. Is it my weight and appearance? my lack of social life? professional growth? marriage? I'm unsure. How could I possibly make anyone eslse happy if I can't please myself? When someone asks, "are you ok?" The automated response I give is, "I'm content." Hoping to just deter them from asking again.
When will it get better? I don't know. I'm not going to push it to move faster than it should, but I don't necessarily want it to take a lifetime. I want to move through it a bit more quickly, but my mind won't allow that just yet. So, self, give it time, and I would hope that others will help by giving me some more time. They can play behavior analyst. (God only knows I've been doin it) They can reinforce any happy moments from me. They can set up/arrange the environment to make things more appealing.
I don't know how long I've been feeling this way. I do know that it has been way longer than before I recieved my letter. The letter was just a reason to let it all out.

2008-10-12T22:19:00.001-05:00

I can't believe it! I had this wonderfully horific post about my weekend, and it died.... it disapated in an instant. In short here is a brief summary:
Friday: Got the news that JC's dad has cancer, missed the news that James' dad's cancer is growing, found that even my chairs that match my dining room table must be returned since there is a huge scratch on one, and got my letter (the small one) telling me I failed my exam. You know, the exam with the paralyzing migraine. I failed by 5 points.
Saturday: garage saled + time = $ - no ride :(
Sunday: still bummed about the letter. Feeling a bit too humiliated to go back to work tomorrow, knowing I'll have to hold back the tears while acting like I'm happy for Katie (who passed the bachelor's level exam). Now, I'm about to go to bed while trying to ignore the banging of the city workers trying to pulverize the asphault in front of the house while trying to fix the water main break. Hoping to have water tomorrow for a shower.
I'm bummed, and probably will be for sometime...

2008-10-11T21:34:00.000-05:00

I'll admit it... I have the baby itch. I'm surrounded by pregnant co-workers, those waiting for a "someday baby", friends with lil' ones, etc. I've spent lots and lots of time in the baby clothes section of some local department stores. I have the baby itch. This isn't the first time, however, it is the first since the wedding. No, I don't believe that I'm/we're ready. (But I also for a moment thought I would have passed the BCBA exam (see future posts about the test)) So when I suspected there was a "maybe baby" I was well... a bit surprised, anxious, and maybe a bit hopeful. Now I know that that's all over. Actually, I'm not for certain but have decided the liklihood is pretty stinkin' low. James' has said that he doesn't want kids.... yet. I agree, kinda. I believe that we need some newly wed time, meaning we would actually have to experience what newly wed time feels like. Oh.... how I wanted the "maybe baby" for our "someday family"

2008-10-09T20:44:00.000-05:00

No one has said that (married) life was easy. And being naive to the whole marriage/living together thing, I wouldn't listen. Ignorance is bliss. And I want to be ignorant. (In all reality, I really don't care to be ignorant.)
I've been through so many life changes in the past 6 months, and this man that I vowed my life to is different. Rather our relationship is different. James and I have never known a relationship without me being in school. We've never lived together before our wedding day. We have spent many hours, nights, and even weeks at a time together. Living together is waaaaay different. It undoubtedly weakens your thoughts about why you love him. This is why you must have the absolute strongest love possible to marry someone and move in with them. Because Jennifer was right. Living with someone is such a huge change, because you are having to change the way you have lived for so long to accomodate someone else's needs. It's such a huge change that you have to really work hard at not killing one another. That is something that we are still working on and will for quite some time.